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The Bald Spot

Carleton Premium™

Carleton has recently announced Carleton premiumTM, a new kind of College experience. Here are some of the elements of Carleton Premium: ◉ Edible Dining hall food ◉ Access to SHAC counselors more than once a term ◉ Sex ◉ The permission to swear on KRLX ◉ SWA dogs ◉ No…

Alumni comments on Overheard At Carleton

Mrs. Johnson Married Has no first name “I was born in 18th-century Antarctica and believe me, the year, circumstances, and opinions circulating at the time of my birth are still EXTREMELY relevant to today’s world, specifically Overheard at Carleton. Alums are VALID.” Edward Wellington III Single “Yes, it is I,…

Every Dam Day: My Life as a Beaver

So, this Winter has been pretty rough for me. I built my lodge in Turtle Pond, again. I stashed hundreds of sticks bellow the surface, so that when the water iced over in the winter, I could slide through my lodge into the water below. It was supposed to be…

Single-Platform CSA Candidacy

Dear Carleton Community, I’m here to introduce myself to you as a candidate for president of the CSA next year. I’m running on a single-issue platform. Carleton bathrooms need better toilet paper. You may be asking yourself, how can someone run on a single issue platform? This is a fair…

the Intellectual Spot RIDDLES

◉ Who is Lincoln’s logger? ◉ What has three legs, balances on a stick, and reads the newspaper? ◉ What’s extremely flat, likes attention from strangers, and feels most at home on the floor? ◉ Take the hole out of it and it’s half. Read it a bedtime story and…

10 Essential questions to ask before starting a relationship

I feel morally obligated to tell you at the very start of this article that this is not for people who want a relationship and are not in one. If you are in that situation, I have a one word guide for relationships at Carleton: don’t. Now if you are…

Really bold moves you can make this Valentine’s Day

In 2020, it’s all about being bold. It’s time to shoot your shot, or so they say. Let’s be honest: it’s Valentine’s Day, and nothing is ever gonna happen between you and your crush unless you take matters into your own hands. So, here are a few options by which…

50 Shades of Mad libS

Dear Physical Education Teacher, Please excuse my son/daughter from missing sexy class yesterday. When Lewis Tomelson :$ awakened yesterday, I could see that his/her nose was hot. He/She also complained of *aches and having a sore Harry Styles, and I took him/her to the family god i just really love…

Valentine’s Classifieds

Reaching out I had so many chances to have you in my life, and I let you go without a second thought every single time. That was utterly ungrateful of me and I am sorry. I’ve learned to look past your flaws and appreciate you, and I realize only now…