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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

CSA to be replaced by big rock

Early Monday morning, CSA president Quinn Buhman ’24 emailed the student body the results of the elections to determine the next members of the Carleton Student Association. In a shocking upset, to fill the position of student governmental body, 80% of responders voted for “Big Rock,” while “Carleton Student Association (incumbent)” only received 4%. The remaining 16% went to write-in candidates. 


Student reactions to the Big Rock’s victory are almost entirely positive. One student lauded the rock as “the quiet, wise, authoritative type,” while another praised that the Big Rock was “just so big.” A third student, who identifies themself as a close friend of the Big Rock, describes it as “a great listener. Never judgy, and I know I can always trust it with a secret.”


Some, however, are less excited by the prospect of the Big Rock taking office. Sophomore Rahim Hamid, a class of 2026 representative who will be dismissed during the transition of power, has attacked the common perception of the Big Rock as a political newcomer. “You all think it’s some radical outsider, but I’ve been on the inside,” Hamid attested, “and I can tell you the Big Rock has been more involved than you think. It’s constantly in the corner of the room, stoic and unmoving, silently watching the proceedings. You’re not bringing a new voice into student government—this voice has been there longer than any of us.” They went to allege that the rock “hasn’t been subject to the same vetting that the more visible CSA politicians have, and that makes it dangerous.” According to Hamid, the Big Rock could have ties to “any number of lobbyists and special interests, and that isn’t an influence we need in student government.”


In response to these allegations, the Big Rock commented, “…”. This response was met with the approval of the majority of our polling audience.


The Big Rock is set to enact monumental, even tectonic, shifts to the policies of student government. Among the proposed changes to the CSA constitution is that it will no longer fly away in the wind, a reform that pundits have called “sorely needed.” It remains to be seen whether enough funds will be available to cultural organizations to cover their operating costs, but the rock assured that “…”, a promise met with a sigh of relief by many.


It’s not going to be all smooth for the Big Rock’s administration, though — the high proportion of write-in candidates suggest a rough and jagged journey ahead. While some write-ins received a negligible number of votes, including the First Presbyterian Church of Milwaukee (five votes) and the Hoover Foundation (eight votes), a whopping 11% of voters, some hundred students, wrote in either “medium-sized rock” or Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. The Big Rock can likely expect frequent challenges to its authority from one or both of these write-in candidates and their supporters. 


The Big Rock will take office effective the first day of Spring Term. 

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About the Contributor
Ben Ellis, Bald Spot Editor
There are two things I like: eating grapes and lying in the newspaper. Also, general happiness and joy. Plus, I've been known to enjoy a good LDC Reuben. Ben (he/him) is a sophomore and started as a Bald Spot editor last year.

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