After painstaking research efforts by the Carletonian’s data analytics team (read: me), we have determined that during the 2017-18 academic year, 75 students wrote for the Carletonian. But what does this impressively large number really mean? Read on for a series of extremely logically sound arguments and comparisons that will…
THE BALD SPOT
If you walk through the prairies of Cowling Arboretum at the right time in Spring, you may be fortunate enough to see a Bobolink (Dolichonyx oryzivorus). These flighty birds—which, contrary to popular belief, do not have the scientific name robertolink—nest on the ground in grasslands and tend to forage on…
1. Throw a bath bomb into a dorm shower. It won’t work, but it’ll look pretty and smell nice. Maybe your toes will feel luxurious, and that’s worth it. Bonus points if it’s a strange color so that the next person who uses the shower will think a unicorn threw…
The Sociology/Anthropology department has announced their final decision for a new hire. After meeting with many candidates, watching them teach demo classes and considering how they would fit into the department, they have decided on Jerome M. Levi, a post-doc from Harvard. The SOAN department has been understaffed recently due…
After immense pressure from the Carleton student body, the Carleton Administration has released a ranked list of the top two dining halls on campus. The ranking system is based on a variety of criteria in order to get a holistic view of the dining halls, including how much it costs…
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It’s as ubiquitous as knock-knock jokes at Carleton: “What would Stevie P’s presidency look like if he were a Tide Pod?” For those unaware, Tide Pods are dissolvable pods of Tide laundry detergent that are designated for washing clothes. Many—in particular, teenage populations—have noticed the capsules’ visual similarity to candy…
The informational revolution of the late 20th and early 21st centuries has benefited ecology and evolutionary biology tremendously. Nowadays, genomic data on thousands of species are readily available, we can determine the types of plants a prehistoric rhino consumed by examining Carbon isotope ratios in its teeth, and computers can…
While there are many issues that are currently impacting Carleton students, all of these problems pale in comparison to what is by far the number one source of grief for students at this time. Sayles has not had soft pretzels all term, and it is the biggest tragedy that no…
In order to maintain peace and enforce Greek life–esque upperclassmen superiority, the Carleton College administration employs a system of “random” room draw lottery numbers to decide which students get to choose their rooms and in what order. Here is my personal ranking of the top ten room draw numbers at…