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The Carletonian

Guide to buzzwords

Jack Brown February 27, 2021

I have decided to take a break from the usual cold-hearted amoral content I usually disseminate. Instead I will be helping to unpack some common phrases, so that we can create a dialogue based on shared...

CSA presidency platform of the Monster of Goodhue

Jack Brown February 20, 2021

Who I am and Why I’m Running Hello folks, in case you haven’t heard of me, I thought I would introduce myself. I am the fabled Monster of Goodhue who haunts the hall. Most of us monsters have a...

In their own words: CSA candidates lay out their visions

Jack Brown February 13, 2021

This past week, the Carletonian reached out to all of the candidates running for CSA President and CSA Vice President. Each candidate was sent an email questionnaire. Because of space limitations, we...

St. Olaf: world’s first conservative arts college

Jack Brown January 31, 2021

After hosting resistance social media influencer Eric Trump on their campus last term, St. Olaf has been inspired to be the first educational institution to rebrand itself as a “conservative arts college.”...

The magic of voting

The magic of voting

Jack Brown November 6, 2020

A lot of people in this country don’t fully appreciate how great and cool our democracy is. Many people feel like voting does nothing because they’ve voted a few times and nothing about their material...

Trump wins Rice County by 69 votes

Jack Brown November 6, 2020

Incumbent President and Deutsche Bank all-time favorite Donald John Trump won the majority of ballots cast in Rice County for the 2020 general presidential election. DJT beat democratic challenger Joseph...

Michel Gluecault

Jack Brown October 24, 2020

The Carletonian was granted exclusive access from the Foucault Estate to publish this 1982 transcript of Michel Foucault, on tape, discovering what glue is. The monologue is roughly translated below....

Glue: Trivia n’ Jokes

Jack Brown October 24, 2020

Trivia: What was the first bottle of glue? ???? [LAUGHING_EMOJI]Who invented glue? ???? [SUGGESTIVE_EMOJI]What was the first glue company? ???? [SUGGESTIVE_DOG_EMOJI]After whom is glue named? ????...

Sacrifice at the Altar of a Cat-God: A Bataillean Critique of “But Still, He Is Doing It: An Exegetical Look at the Garfield Comix” by  Nicole Collins

Sacrifice at the Altar of a Cat-God: A Bataillean Critique of “But Still, He Is Doing It: An Exegetical Look at the Garfield Comix” by Nicole Collins

Jack Brown October 10, 2020

My main point of contestation with Nicole is whether or not Garfield is actually doing something to make the world a more equal place, and resist Capitalism. While certainly not conventional, Garfield...

Costume Idea! Scaring the CSA this Halloween

Jack Brown October 3, 2020

Obviously you haven’t been inside the local Target since arriving on campus since that would mean breaking the covenant, but we can only assume it is already fully decorated for Halloween, the 2nd largest...

Departments adapt to online learning

Jack Brown April 3, 2020

Carleton is turning into University of Phoenix (except without the whole subsidy abuse scheme), and for some classes that won’t be too bad. For others, though it’s gonna be a bit of a challenge to...

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