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It is long past time for admin to respect the Carletonian

I’ve written for a variety of the sections of the Carletonian, but consistently, the most difficult section is news. And I get that. I get that finding sources takes time, as does conducting research and finding information that isn’t readily available. But to be honest, that’s not why. I don’t…

Blanket: The ideal layer

If you haven’t noticed yet, it’s cold out. The general unfriendliness of the outdoors, however, is not my main concern. This is a solvable problem: with warm layers, one can overcome the cold (if you haven’t established a system yet, I believe in you!). The real issue is what happens…

Jonathan Capehart selected as 2023 Commencement Speaker

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and Carleton alum Jonathan Capehart ’89 has been selected as the commencement speaker for the Class of 2023. Capehart joins a series of politically involved Carleton alums selected as commencement speakers, the most recent being Ramsey County Commissioner Toni Carter ’75 in 2022.  “Giddy is the word…

Why toasters are terrible

So. You’ve decided you want a piece of toast. How bold of you. I wish you luck in the journey you’re about to embark on. However, I would also caution you to take a moment. Consider your options. The rest of the dining hall is still there; you have options…

Can we slow down time at Carleton?

If you’re like me and you plan to spend the next week pretending that Fall Term isn’t ending soon, then you’ve probably realized it’s not going to be possible. This part of the term is inevitably dedicated to stress about finals, the realization that term is ending and discussing how…

Student reports of haunted residence hall confirmed by inside sources

This Tuesday, emails leaked to the Carletonian revealed Res Life’s awareness of previously-unconfirmed reports of Burton Hall being haunted. These confidential emails between Res Life staff are the first, but likely not the last, confirmation since the phenomenon began a number of years ago (reports vary as to the exact…

The importance of satire as a form of journalism

I will admit, I started reading The Onion’s amicus brief out of amusement, because I generally like the Onion. I saw the headline about it, saw that a court is hearing a case regarding freedom of speech with regard to satire and decided that if The Onion was getting involved,…

1a classes and 1/2c classes: a comparison

I am not a morning person. Ask any of my friends and they will confirm: I am usually late to breakfast (typically by 2-3 minutes, but still), I have perfected the art of making it to breakfast before it closes (as long as I’m out of bed by 9:51) and…