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Why toasters are terrible

So. You’ve decided you want a piece of toast. How bold of you. I wish you luck in the journey you’re about to embark on. However, I would also caution you to take a moment. Consider your options. The rest of the dining hall is still there; you have options…

Can we slow down time at Carleton?

If you’re like me and you plan to spend the next week pretending that Fall Term isn’t ending soon, then you’ve probably realized it’s not going to be possible. This part of the term is inevitably dedicated to stress about finals, the realization that term is ending and discussing how…

Student reports of haunted residence hall confirmed by inside sources

This Tuesday, emails leaked to the Carletonian revealed Res Life’s awareness of previously-unconfirmed reports of Burton Hall being haunted. These confidential emails between Res Life staff are the first, but likely not the last, confirmation since the phenomenon began a number of years ago (reports vary as to the exact…

The importance of satire as a form of journalism

I will admit, I started reading The Onion’s amicus brief out of amusement, because I generally like the Onion. I saw the headline about it, saw that a court is hearing a case regarding freedom of speech with regard to satire and decided that if The Onion was getting involved,…

1a classes and 1/2c classes: a comparison

I am not a morning person. Ask any of my friends and they will confirm: I am usually late to breakfast (typically by 2-3 minutes, but still), I have perfected the art of making it to breakfast before it closes (as long as I’m out of bed by 9:51) and…

Re: COVID-19 core team raises campus alert level to medium again

Carleton’s current COVID-19 response scares me. Student attitudes toward it scare me more.  Last week, a news article was published in the Carletonian describing the current COVID-19 situation on campus with quotes from four students. The first described COVID-19 as a cold, the second equated it to other infectious diseases…

Etiquette for jacket-wearing on campus

The following is everything I have to say about people who stopped wearing coats because “it’s spring” when it absolutely, most certainly, is not. First, just why??  But on a more serious note, I recognize that people may believe it *feels* more like spring when you’re walking around in just…

Frisbee season

The sun is out (kind of—I’ve been told that my standards for warm weather have changed since coming to college in Minnesota) and thus the frisbees have returned. Now, this isn’t exactly to say that there wasn’t frisbee all winter—I realize that Carleton is a “frisbee school” and that there…