Sick and tired of marching your way from Goodhue to SHAC? Upset that SHAC is so small? Frustrated that they’ve been shoved in the basement of Davis for decades? Well, we’re here to tell you that your worries are no more! Admin has recently announced that SHAC is moving! But you may be wondering, where are they gonna put it? Somewhere accessible and helpful for students? Well that hasn’t been decided yet and remains vague, but we can give you a glimpse of the shortlist for the new shac office locations!

• A literal wooden SHAC somewhere deep in the arb that relocates every night
• On top of the chapel bell tower
• Watson bike storage
• Fourth Davis
• The closet of the Math Skills Center
• Myers 341
• Shreveport, Louisiana
• An old microwave box from 1994 left in someone’s garage
• The Applebees by Target
• Nutting House
• The machinations of your infinite imagination
• A new building dedicated to student wellness (haha wait no)
• Third Davis
• Fourth Musser showers
• Where the tavern used to be (RIP)
• Purgatory
• The set of Tom Hooper’s CATS (2019)
• One randomly selected student’s mailbox
• Mysteriously floating above Bell field
• Wherever the compost goes

We hope you’re getting excited about these fantastic options! Change will be difficult, however, and it’s important to note that moving all of SHAC will be costly. In order to pay for the new facilities while keeping treatment free for students, SHAC will now be barred from offering the following services: blood pressure checks, strep tests, std screenings, or anything else related to anything medical at all.