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Admissions Update: First squirrel admitted to Carleton

Carleton always strives for a diverse student body. We hear that in every convocation speech, and the sentiment is certainly peppered throughout most of Carleton’s many newsletters. But many students question whether Carleton is really doing enough. In response to growing student demands for a more inclusive and representative campus, Carleton has accepted a notable new student. Did they increase the number of first-gen students perhaps? Or maybe accepted more BIPOC freshmen? Nope, in quirky Carleton fashion, admissions went the extra mile in diversifying the class of 2026. Carleton prides itself on thinking outside of the box, and this was no exception. Pioneering in the way of diversity, Carleton has admitted its first squirrel student!

Jerry, a Northfield native, is enthusiastic to join the Carleton community, saying “having grown up literally on campus, I feel like I already belong here.” Top of his class at the local squirrel school and captain of the nationally recognized Nut Collectors Club, Jerry was an obvious candidate for admissions — were it not for his species status. However, admissions approached this situation with diversity at the forefront of their decision-making process.

“We focus on the mind at Carleton, not the body in which it comes to us,” their official statement proudly declared. It also certainly didn’t hurt that Jerry’s family has large stock holdings in the top five nut-butter companies across the nation, according to an anonymous admissions student worker. 

 While campus security undergoes training on how to combat cuteness aggression and college leadership navigates these uncharted waters, this new student is simply focusing on adapting to dorm life and keeping his grades up, just like any other kid.

“I just want the classic college experience, nuttin’ more than that,” Jerry told the Carletonian. Responses to this development have been varied, but here at the Carletonian, we are excited to welcome him as part of the student body — and hopefully a staff writer?

A portrait of Jerry by Mileana Borowski

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