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“Snow” solution to housing shortage: igloos

From the start of this academic year, administrators have been brainstorming solutions for the winter term housing shortage. The college, in an effort to find space for 40 beds out of thin-air, offered creative solutions. Popular proposals were moving SHAC out of Burton’s basement, converting study rooms into dorms and encouraging students to live in (frat) houses. However, as is the case for every important decision regarding student life, the college has been indecisive.

Debates surrounding the housing crisis came to a boiling point during one meeting of college employees when the college’s president, fed up with the inaction, yelled “Why don’t we just build igloos!” Surprisingly, the group readily agreed to the plan. The college president was just joking, but they didn’t want to seem like a weenie and gave the final approval for construction. Ice sculptors were brought to campus the following week and constructed an entire village of igloos, which are ready for students to inhabit.

The lucky students to move into the igloos and live out their childhood Club Penguin fantasy are the residents of CANOE house, who claim to be the most outdoorsy despite living in a mansion. While other housing pilot programs (aka the mysterious learning community) have had mixed success, the “cold community” is expected to be a hit.

College officials have boasted that the igloos offer enticing amenities for students. The igloos are located in the heart of campus, nestled next to the Bald Spot ice rinks. As the igloos are made of pure Minnesotan snow, they are ethically sourced and the most environmentally friendly living option. The igloo village does not have an RA and will be outside the jurisdiction of residential life, making it as lawless as the wild west or farm. Perhaps, the best feature is the noise cancelling properties of the snow bricks. Unlike the paper thin walls of Watson and other dorm buildings, the igloos muffle the sounds of your bad music taste among other noises…. Every igloo is outfitted with a sleeping bag, thermus and wool socks.

One junior resident stated: “The igloos are honestly great. There’s this fireplace in the center that makes my room warmer than most dorms on campus. I think the only downside is the occasional yellow snow…”

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