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Halloween costumes you shouldn’t make sexy

  1. Sexy Trader Joe’s Cashier
    Who am I kidding, is it even possible for this not to be a sexy costume? They’re just so caring, and attentive. You make small talk as they swipe your items, and for once the words come naturally. You like who you are around them. There’s a moment where you consider asking for their number, but then you remember: this is just a job for them. The chemistry isn’t real. It never is.
  2. Sexy Liberal Arts College President
    I’m not naming names, but let’s all agree that this doesn’t need to happen. Ever.
  3. Sexy Gallbladder
    This organ does some serious heavy lifting during the digestive process, and it’s best we just leave things how they are.
  4. Sexy Bob the Builder
    It would be so easy to turn Bob the Builder into a steamy sex symbol. But resist the urge, because no preschooler wants to see his favorite cartoon character throwing up into a trashcan after downing six four lokos.
  5. Sexy the Dad from Good Luck Charlie
    I don’t know his name but his eyes always seemed to leap out at me through the screen… no… I have to repress these feelings… the guys on the football team can never find out…
  6. Sexy SWA Dog
    Is nothing sacred?
  7. Sexy Moses
    The only thing Moses should be parting is the red sea. Do you hear me young man!
  8. Sexy Ms. Frizzle
    Teachers in America rarely get the credit they deserve, and none are harder working than this beloved science teacher. Her reputation doesn’t need to be tarnished.
  9. Sexy Mater from Cars (2011)
    Nothing about Mater’s tow hook or rusty hood screams sexy, and it’s probably for the best it stays that way.
  10. Sexy Schiller
    Although he is the most desired bust on campus, he just doesn’t have that “come hither look.”

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