Dearest readers,
Let me introduce myself: I am the new Carletonian astrologist. I was selected after a series of interviews, exams and telepathic communications with past — and of course, future — Carletonian astrologists. In my last interview, I was told by Bald Spot Editor Tabitha that my “lack of knowledge about astrology makes [me] the ideal candidate.”
Thus, here we are. Except, unfortunately, it is currently the middle of the afternoon, so I can’t see the relevant constellations or other subject objects in the night sky. Unfortunately I cannot go outside during the daytime, due to a critical condition that makes my skin blindingly sparkly, so instead of using signs, I’ll be predicting your future based on more locally relevant reference points. Your sign was established at birth, and while it might have been a good indicator of mood then, when the options were ‘crying’ or ‘sleeping,’ we’re all older now, and most of us have developed at least one additional option. In other words, star signs are simply outdated as a means of identifying the future. Where you live is much more relevant. Your choice (or assignment, nothing is random) of dorms dictates not only how long it will take you to get to class, how miserable doing laundry will be and who you interact with, it also dictates your future.
Without further ado, let me tell you how this week will be.
Houses: This week will bring much sunlight, and perhaps an essay or two. As you move towards midterms, remember: your profs aren’t trying to assign too much homework, and if you don’t procrastinate it, you’ll have more free time. If you start the essays more than two days in advance of the due date, there will be a blessing on your house for the next three generations to come.
Goodhue: You have new developments in your interpersonal relationships to look forward to. Things may be going well, which would be wonderful, but (let’s be realistic) if they’re not, remember that this may be an opportunity to develop closer connections with new people. It’s never too late to make more friends!
Evans: Focus on spending time outside this week. This week may be stressful for you, but sunlight and air might be able to help. If you feel overwhelmed, try reorganizing your room. Something as simple as having an empty desk – and a bed free of laundry heaps – might help to reduce stress (and your roommate might appreciate it).
Cassat: Planning this summer probably feels like a lot right now. Slow down, and remember that you have plenty of time, and your summer plans don’t matter that much. Summer isn’t as long as it seems, and you’ll be fine no matter what.
Myers: I’m not convinced anyone lives in Myers. The Carletonian does. But I’ve never seen anyone walk into or out of Myers. If you live in Myers, come say hi to the Carletonian! If you live in Myers, know of the Carletonian, and never say hi, expect us to be sad.
Nourse: Beware of geese this week. I fear they may be unkind to you.
James: Did you tell someone you’d text them back, and then not do that? If so, you should probably do that. If you find yourself with the opportunity to become closer to someone you kind of know this week, you should go for it! Spring is a great time to make friends, regardless of what year you are here.
The complex: This may be a great time to reconnect with old friends, from Carleton and elsewhere. Don’t forget about your classes, but don’t forget that you have a social life, too.
Xoxo,
Becky, Astrologist Extraordinaire
