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The Carletonian

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The Carletonian

Donald Trump puts down Kristi Noem: “She was untrainable”

Donald Trump, the Republican nominee for President, was forced to make a hard decision this Thursday. After widespread condemnation for the killing of her 14-month old puppy, the former President was forced to put down South Dakota governor Kristi Noem. 


In a press release to an unheard-of coalition of journalists, animal rights enthusiasts and Noem’s husband, Trump described his decision making process. “She was untrainable,” said the former President. “I always said that I could walk down 5th avenue and shoot somebody, and I would get away with it. Now I’m realizing that it might have gotten me more voters, and aren’t they fantastic?” 


When asked if the decision had anything to do with Noem’s book story of shooting her own dog, Cricket, Trump offered no clear answer.


“Look, we all have bad weeks,” Trump said. “I’d like to know what people are saying about the dog, they’re probably saying a lot. Who doesn’t like dogs? I like dogs. Some say that I was the first one to let the dogs out, and to their credit, that’s true. I let the dogs out.”  


Several South Dakota residents offered their praise to the former President.


“I think it was probably the right thing to do,” said Mitchell Huron. “Farmers have to make hard decisions about these things, I see no reason why Republicans are any different.” 


Huron, a South Dakota native, felt strongly that this was the right choice to make. “I can’t get over her killing her dog,” said Huron. “It’s a dog. It was 14-months old. Around here, we call that a puppy. South Dakota doesn’t believe in puppy killers.” 


Other residents seemed to take different qualms with the governor’s actions. Pierre Deadwood, another South Dakota citizen, took issue with Noem’s efficacy.


“I can forgive the dog thing, it happens,” said Deadwood. “What I don’t get is how she missed the first time. It’s a dog, how do you miss that? What sort of message does that send those [expletives] up in North Dakota? We in South Dakota elect governors that can barely shoot a gun? We have two counties in the top 10 most heavily armed counties in the US, I don’t like the kind of message that sends our kids.” 


It’s unclear at this moment who Trump’s running-mate will be. What’s evidently clear for Kristi Noem is that there’s no going back.

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About the Contributor
Bax Meyer
Bax Meyer, Managing Editor
Hey, all! I'm Bax (he/him), and I'm a junior Econ major with a Middle East Studies minor. I love talking about Middle East politics and American Indian Treaty Rights. I'll always send you good book or movie recomendations. You can probably find me on campus wandering the arb, on 1st libe, or at step areobics. I like dad jokes, American Indian Treaty Rights, shawarma, and publishing my hot takes in the Carletonian anonymously.
Red flags: econ major, will judge you for using the Oxford comma, and hates geese
Green flags: Middle East Studies minor, still uses the Oxford comma, and quotes the Star Wars prequels on the daily
Bax was previously Managing Director and Viewpoint Editor.

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