I think we can all agree: Carleton sports teams have built a strong reputation for themselves this academic year. So good news! Along with not having to worry about ever getting a bad rap, Carleton football players—by all accounts the most marginalized group at the College—can now gather in large groups during a pandemic without any fear whatsoever about repercussions. That said, here are the top five must-visit party locations this term, officially sponsored by the Carleton football team.

1. Steak House:

I’m gonna be honest: I don’t play football. And here’s another thing: I don’t know what the hell steak is. And, also: I don’t know where Steak House is. (What’s a house?) So, honestly, I can’t make heads nor tails of this entry on the list. But hey—I’ve heard down the grapevine that this is gonna be the place to be Winter Term 2021. Woo!

2. Wherever the hell the football team practices

We know where the football team parties during a pandemic, but where the hell do they practice? I feel like I know the former much more than I know the latter. 

3. My Room (LOL)

Yeah I dunno where this one came from. Please come to my room LOL it’s no big deal haha please hang out with me Carleton Football Team please LOL. Haha shirts optional in here, baby! >___< Hey

4. The Arb

This entry on the list is outdated but a classic. It seems I always hear secondhand stories about the football team partying in the Arb from people who were “just strolling by” at 3:00 a.m. Is it too cold for Arb parties this term? Perhaps the Team can make do (hint, hint) by making that fire really big on One Tree Hill or whatever that thing is called.

5. Porch House

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!