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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

Big advice from a little man: The wisdom of Michael Alexander

<ong>Question: I’m thinking about finding a new student job for next fall. What do you recommend?

Answer: What job you seek depends on your goals. Let’s break it down.

Goal: Networking
Job: Snack bar with Anthony and Betty – Anthony’s always outside chatting (swearing) on his phone; he definitely knows people. Betty meets everyone who comes to the snack bar, her ice cream truck, her stand-up shows, and Sayles dances. She’s the ultimate in networking.
Downside: Burns from the deep-fryer.

Goal: Personal Growth
Job: Nude Model. Make $20 an hour and show off your sweet abs. What could be wrong with that?
Downside: Snap out of it: you probably don’t actually have sweet abs.

Goal: Professional Development
Job: Research assistant for faculty – learn effective methods for you field, become adept at professional blah blah blah yada yada
Downside: Inflated ego; you’re setting yourself up for a world of hurt when you’re unemployed after graduation.

Goal: Profit

Job: Resident Assistant (RA) – do nothing, get paid!
Downside: Deal with Vaughn Schmid, paperwork.

Question: This is my first spring term at Carleton. How do I take advantage of it?

Answer: SPRING TERM NO RULES, amirite? Except for one: maximize your time outdoors. With that in mind, here are some of the hottest activities for best-term term:

Pull on those short-shorts and head over to the CMC for a rousing game of Starcraft. Lather on the sunscreen and stop by the Art Gallery in the concert hall’s basement for the exhibit “EveryBody!” Put on some flip flops and hit up the Rec Center to release some endorphins on the treadmills.  See some kids tossing a frisbee got you in the mood?  Head to Cactus Tattoo & Body Piercing for your own CUT symbol tattoo/dark mark.  It’s Friday night and you’re looking to show off that new tattoo?  Wear a cutoff and catch SUMO in Olin 149.  Oh, you’re more of a rager you say… then come get wasted at Carleton’s notoriously schwastey spot–The Cave’s bar, in the basement of Evans.

Question: I came here last fall thinking Carleton was the perfect fit for me.  At first it seemed great, but now I’m tired of talking about how “quirky” everyone is.  Fred Rogers is cute, but his mustache makes me uncomfortable.

Answer: You’ve made a huge mistake, Stevie P.

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