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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

Our parents’ lives without Charlie Sheen

<undits and critics have had a field day with the recent actions of Charlie Sheen. I don’t think I need to explain what those include, but if you have any questions, you can open up literally any Internet home page and be completely informed in a matter of seconds. I don’t intend to make further commentary on the situation because, really, what else can be said? While I do wish the best for Charlie and his future endeavors, there is a specific demographic to whom I would like to extend my deepest condolences: Parents, you’re going to have to find another television show.

Last night I sent a text message to my mom that read, “What are you going to do without Two and a Half Men?” I did not ask this question to be facetious, no no. I asked it with utmost sincerity because I know and understand what CBS programming means to my mother. She begins the process as soon as she gets home from work, checking to see if tonight’s episode is new. If it is, she sets the reminder on the DVR to ensure she does not miss a minute of those kooky brothers, Charlie and Alan. I am sure she is not alone in this process. I have heard stories of numerous parents whose only glint of entertainment for the week can be found in the 26 minutes of Two and a Half Men. I would never watch the show by myself, but I will always watch it with her. This is very much how Everybody Loves Raymond functions. What will the moms watch now? TLC does not have enough programming to accommodate for all of the overflow traffic.

I remember many years ago when Michael J. Fox had to leave Spin City for health purposes. You want to know who replaced him? Charlie Sheen. I think he also played a character named Charlie, but that’s neither here nor there. That’s kind of ironic, right? Another great example of a Mom Show in which Charlie Sheen gets to play a wise cracking guy named Charlie? And somebody had to leave for personal reasons? Life is circular like that.

My mom came up with a great idea so that the show can go on as if nothing ever happened. Emilio Estevez can simply slip into the vacancy and play a long lost twin brother. Within weeks, no one will even notice that the show was ever different. My thinking is that this will eventually boost his career back to where it should be and I can finally see a Mighty Ducks 4. It’s a fail proof plot, really. My deep dedication to the Might Ducks franchise is what makes me believe so wholeheartedly in this plan. Perhaps now is finally the time for it to come to fruition.

I guess my point is to be kind to your parents in the coming months. There are not nearly enough shows on CBS about the woes of adulthood, being single, being married, or just trying to figure out how to live in an unrealistically nice New York City apartment. In time, their wounds will heal and they will learn to accept. Until then, rest assured that there is always TV on DVD, an excellent reminder of a simpler time. 

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