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An Honest Cover Letter

300 North College Street

Northfield, MN, 55057

 

Boss Person With Money

Company with Cool Unpaid Internships

Northfield, MN 55057

 

April 22th, 2016

Dear Mr. Money:

My name is Janis Lee, and I’m a sophomore at Carleton College. Why do I want this internship? Well, you see, I have always been passionate about not starving to death. Yeah, I know, that seems a little extreme, but I have to start preparing immediately for my future career. First your generation screws up the economy, then you require 17 years of experience for an entry-level job. So I’m getting started on building up this “experience” now, and you’re definitely going to help me build up my experience this summer because, as stated before, this is for survival. Let me tell you what it’s like to be a college student today. Follow your heart, they said. Study what you love, they said. I’m going to major in underwater basket weaving, I said. How are you going to get a job with that, they said. So here I am, applying for an unpaid internship in the hopes that the “experience” will be enough to get me a job when I graduate.

You’ve realized your mistake in mainly hiring straight cis white upper middle class males, thus created a jaded generation that will follow you that now needs “experience.” You need to appeal to said generation jaded generation, so you need to start talking like them. Since most jobs nowadays want a millennial to help teach them cool and hip slang such as “dank” or “lit af”, I can assure you that I am qualified for your position because I am usually the definition of lit af. You also want someone to help out in your communications and social media department, which usually means that you don’t currently employ someone under the age of 40. I have been procrastinating on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr since before I was born, so I can definitely update your feed for you. Getting paid to be on Facebook. Wow. What a time to be alive.

Thank you for your consideration. I am very interested in your cool unpaid social media internship because hopefully next year, I can get a cooler paid internship by putting the experience from this internship on my resume.

 

Best,

Janis Lee

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