For some college students, one of the benchmarks of trekking into adulthood is taking the plane to and from college, and many of us experienced that merely a week or two ago coming back from spring break. Many parts of the airport may be exciting, from the barrage of pungent, overpriced snacks to the federally mandated pet relief areas (our almighty government says at least one per terminal is required OR ELSE).
Perhaps the most exciting feature of the airplane experience is the thrill of sitting next to someone on the plane flight, and the mystery of who they may be. Nothing beats walking onto the plane and praying that you’re seated next to someone pretty as hell, of whom you can have three polite conversations with throughout the journey. But that won’t stop you from believing they’re your soulmate, who also shares your love of the New York Giants and that’s lowkey it. But for the flyer who can’t handle the thought of meeting their potential true love on the plane, Delta Airlines has introduced a new option for their Deluxe Premium Quadruple-Emerald VIP++++ members, the “Sit Next to your Opps*” option.
This opp-tion costs an additional $125, but as someone who has already taken it for a spin, allow me to explain why I would recommend it to all of my friends.
1.) It keeps you grounded.
Do you remember the friend you switched up on at the start of middle school? The one before you entered your brief cool kid era? That’s one of the options Delta may select for your flight. For this and other options, it’s important to note the asterisk in the name of the “sit next to your opps*” option, since you’re more of the opp in this scenario. But Delta assumes its top VIP++++ members have a conscience, so it knows that throughout the flight you’ll be wracked with guilt about how you ruined that purest form of childhood friendship in order to hang out with the kids who owned speedboats.
2.) It allows you to one-up that moron opp
Many of us have that one opp who hated us for no apparent reason. And not because there are no reasons to hate you (there are plenty), but you never did anything remotely mean to them before they made up their mind that they’d spend every passing minute of their life trying to make you miserable. If this option is selected, you’ll be able to spend every moment of the flight in pure bliss, knowing that no matter what this opp has to say to you, you always seem to make them madder and madder, despite not really giving them much thought.
3.) It makes you question your integrity
A lucky bunch of us have that opp of a failed relationship. No matter how it ended, that doesn’t change the fact that this person knows you better than anyone else ever has. While you may tell yourself that this opp’s opinions of you don’t matter since you’re a better person now, that won’t help much while this person is seated next to you, dissecting why things didn’t work out and pointing out all of your many flaws. In a best-case scenario, it simply boils down to they didn’t care for you enough to keep you around (Yowza!). In a worst-case scenario, you’ll find your ego battered and bruised, after hearing of all your shortcomings accompanied by a psychoanalytical breakdown and a slap for good measure.
Overall, I would highly recommend partaking in Delta’s latest feature, as it allows for you to truly come to terms with you deserving all your opps, and realizing that you’re not that cool and some people find you to be abhorrent for good reason.