On Jan. 18, American users of the social media app TikTok were met with a message that the app was shutting down. This sent a shock wave across TikTok users across the country, causing panic and despair. The app’s outlook was grim, and Americans had to grapple with what a future without dance trends and scandalous romance book recommendations would look like.
However, a mere 14 hours later, users discovered that the app had actually been reinstated, and even more shocking was the person who took over — Carleton College’s own Professor of History William (Bill) North. Americans opened TikTok and were met with a message reading “Welcome back! Thanks for your patience and support. As a result of Professor Bill North’s efforts, TikTok is back in the U.S.!”
“I was absolutely shocked,” TikTok user Anne Fluenced ’28 said. “When TikTok was banned, I was devastated. Crying, hulk-smashing bikes into the frozen Lyman Lakes, I even TOOK NOTES in class for the first time instead of watching TikToks under my desk. But then it came back! Which was great, but like … Bill North? The guy that sits in the library? What does he know about Baby Gronk and the Rizzler?”
Users came back to the app relieved and excited to resume their usual scrolling and posting habits, but upon returning to TikTok, they noticed some pretty major changes. While TikTokers expected a For You page, Get Ready With Me videos and storytimes, these were replaced by a For Thou page, Get Ready with Thee and Tall Tale-times.
“Scroll-ing has a whole new meaning,” one of the new TikethToketh app developers said. “We really wanted to usher in a new renaissance of communication and entertainment, and what better way to do that than to just bring back the renaissance?”
It cannot be doubted that TikTok has had a major impact on the popularity of music and new artists, but the revived TikethToketh under Bill North’s leadership has led to the explosion of some very unconventional music genres. Lute, harp and cathedral organ artists have surged in popularity, and a capella covers of pop songs have been replaced with opera singers and Gregorian chants. While a stark change from the popular songs of 2024, artists with “feudalismcore” names like Megan Thee Stallion and Sabrina Carpenter have found their place on the new app environment. Swift Tailor is also experiencing yet another surge, while The Weekend no longer seems to exist, as far as the app’s software is concerned.
“I very much believe that this is for the best,” North said. “Before I conquered this app, I saw students hunched over, trudging through the snow around campus, with headphones blasting in their ears. Now, I see Carls cheerily carole dancing in circles on the Bald Spot, leaping for joy to a lively medieval tune. They seemed, dare I say…enlightened?”
Fashion trends have also shifted on North’s new social media. While revivals of 80s, 90s, and early 2000s fashion were common on the TikTok of old, TikethToketh users have taken “a blast from the past” to a whole new level. Instead of wolf cuts and curtain bangs, TonsureTok has recently gone viral. While some feel like the new hairstyle allows them to express themselves and focus on other parts of their daily beauty routine, this new trend has troubled others.
“So many things about this app are great,” said Zoe Roettger ’27, TikethToketh’s most active user. “I love renaissance gowns, chainmail and scepters. I really do. But TONSURES? Why are we popularizing just having a ring of hair around the side of your head? Maybe I’ll make a video about jester caps so TonsureTokers will have to cover up their domes. It’s a shame my friend Tabitha doesn’t have TikethToketh because she’s always killing it in that four-bell jester cap regardless of the trend cycle.”
Overall, TikethToketh has made waves across Carleton’s campus and the world, and Americans are hoping to repair their relationship with social media one D.M. (direct manuscript) at a time. Any tech support questions can be addressed directly to Bill North on 4th Libe from 8 p.m. – 12 a.m. on Tuesdays and Thursdays. In case of emergency, app users can also call into North’s radio show from 3 – 4 p.m. on Sundays, provided all questions are asked in perfect Italian.
