Here at the Carletonian, we know one of the most daunting things about starting college is the potential of life in a dorm, and everything that comes with it. So we’ve surveyed our staff members and isolated some key advice for freshmen in different dorm buildings! Reading this could make your commute to LDC a bit easier, or it could just save your life. And remember, no matter what house or dorm you’re in, wear your shower shoes. And your wetsuit. And your goggles. And your swim cap. This is essential in the shower, but it can help at other times too.
Goodhue: Watch out for suspicious persons or arb goblins wandering your halls. He often tries to take advantage of freshmen’s ignorance of his squatter’s rights, and by the time many notice, it’s too late. Many people don’t know this, but this is actually the origin of the concept of the monster under the bed, and you should be checking yours every few days.
Nourse: Value the best Elkay on campus while you can. There is truly nowhere better at Carleton to fill your water bottle up, and no matter what, you will miss it next year. Pilgrims travel far and wide, past the red-filter status fountains in the desert of Anderson, to simply taste a drop of the water in that building.
Myers: A strange power gathers in Room 120 at 8 PM on Mondays. Investigate it, before it can investigate you. Come to Carletonian and write for the bald spot! If they get too desperate, they’ll go door-to-door pitching articles, so it’s better to just show up on your own.
Cassat: While it’s true you have the best freshman housing on campus, don’t let it draw you in. It’s a trap. This whole Cassat is a trap. You should still perhaps go outside, attend meals and generally be social. Many students have gone missing for days or even weeks to eventually simply be discovered in some corner of this building.
Burton: Be mindful that from 1 am – 2 am every night the halls of the complex are turned into a Minotaur-esque unnavigable maze, ravenous beasts and all. One wrong turn, and you’ll be their meal, and SHAC employees contractually cannot provide anesthetic when treating bite wounds from mythical beings.
Watson: Going somewhere? make sure to factor 10-15 extra minutes in for the elevator. If you live in a triple, do not let yourself be pressured into bunking beds. Instead try this simple hack; push all three beds together to make space! This way, there is space for everyone’s desks and you can easily access the closets. You can get a real Goldilocks and the Three Bears vibe (and a three bears Halloween costume) going, and you’ll certainly be close by the end of the year, if nothing else.