Dear loyal readers of the Carletonian, we know that there have been some gaffes and japes this term, and we share your frustration. On behalf of the entire writing and editorial staff, we would like to take this opportunity to issue a full and sincere apology for the mistakes we have made this term. We were previously unappreciative of the power that we hold as the publishers of the largest stack of scrap paper in Sayles and Anderson, but in the future, we promise to act in accordance with the influence we wield. Already, the parties responsible for what occurred this term have been moved to different departments, given stern warnings and led into a dank basement with the promise of wine only to be bricked into the wall to slowly waste away.
As the campus’s only real publication, we feel it is our journalistic responsibility to hold ourselves to the highest ethical standards when it comes to what we choose to report and publish. We are apologizing specifically for the issues spanning weeks four to seven, where some regrettable content was published in the Viewpoint section. The review of Desi Diner we published was absolutely incorrect and should have been immediately rejected for not giving the restaurant at least a 9.5/10. We would also like to apologize for the fact that freshmen wrote a majority of our articles. As several loyal readers have pointed out to us, this made the articles “stinky and bad,” and we promise to be more careful with our article assignments in the future. In our defense, though, it seems that none of the upperclassmen have any opinions, so we really have to work with what we’ve got.
Moving forward, we will be working closely with several offices such as PEAR, Residential Life, DOS, MIAC, the Office of Bureaucracy, Aquatic Student Life and Carls with No Taste to ensure such a fiasco does not occur again. Finally, we would like to issue specific apologies to the groups on campus that were hurt by what we published this term. To the Carleton Student Association, residents of Myers Hall, the Nutting House Microscope Collector Society, Carls For A Worse Future, the Carleton Republican Organization, Carleton Society for Research Into the Paranormal and Extraterrestrial, the Arboretum Crew, the Arb Goblin, the Carleton Ballroom Dance Team, the big puppet and most of the townhouses: We are very sorry, and it won’t happen again. However, we are not sorry to the econ majors, and we maintain that they “can all go suck an egg.”
Our dear readers, we offer our most heartfelt condolences if you were hurt by our irresponsible publishing. We hope that this does not change your image of this newspaper or the hard-working staff and editors that deliver quality news to the students of this great college. We will continue on the difficult road of regaining your trust by continuing to do our due diligence and handling these situations before they reach this level of tension and unease. Thank you for your continued support and feedback.
