Georges:

Tweed jacket with those arm patches—you know the guy. He’s always sitting on those chairs at the front of Fourth Libe where we put the Carletonians that nobody takes. I think he’s a sophomore. But rumor is he runs a catfishing empire at Carleton and St. Olaf, so, basically, every person you match with on Tinder or whatever cishet dating app Carleton uses is statistically going to lead back to Georges.

Montague:

This is the guy who goes to all the classics department progressives but thinks “classics” refers to Pulp Fiction and The Godfather, Part II. 

Pom:

I actually don’t think anybody named Pom has ever gone to Carleton, but this person is nonetheless included on this list in order to warn you to never date anybody named Pom. That’s such a stupid name. It looks like “porn”!!! Unless that’s your thing. In which case: Go off >___<

Jules:

I’ve never met Jules but I know she’s definitely the kind of person who, when asked how she’s doing, will reply “It’s sixth week!”, which is kind of annoying. She’s also a Libra, whatever that means. (My partner told me to include that. If you know what that means, please write to: “Nicole Collins, 300 N College St., Northfield, MN, 55057”.)

Bourrée:

Gotcha! This is a type of French dance, not a person.