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Security Not-ter: February 28-March 4

These are what the security blotters won’t give you: unbiased, unedited accounts of Carleton Campus Security.  Monday, February 28 Early Morning: Security responded to a medical. The medical was in response to security. Security transported security to Northfield Hospital.  Tuesday, March 1 Afternoon: A student called to report an incident…

Security Not-ter: February 21-25

These are what the security blotters won’t give you: unbiased, unedited accounts of Carleton Campus Security.  By the Carleton-Undermining Monitoring Squad Monday, 2/21 Morning: Security responded to a medical, but the medical did not respond to security. Sometimes these things don’t work out. Tuesday, 2/22 Early Morning: A fire was…

Ranking My Isolation Meals

27 people tested positive for COVID-19 last week. As a Bald Spot Editor, I do not get invited to many parties. Yet, somehow, I was one of those 27, and I’ve spent the last ten days living in an isolation house.  There are only a few things you can do…

Top five mental health practices: A difficult conversation

*This piece was published in The Bald Spot, which is the paper’s satirical/humor section.* Let’s talk about Mental Health.     I had to break through thousands of layers of Stigma just to say those five daring words. That’s right: There is a lot of Stigma surrounding Mental Health. Nobody…

Superheroes Confused by Parents’ Weekend Mask Mandate

For most Carls, Family Weekend was a time of reconnection. The campus was alive with the bustle of students frantically concealing their new lives amidst the lukewarmth of familial love. But, thanks to the temporary mask mandate imposed from Friday to Sunday, the Northfield area’s small yet existent superhero community—whose…

Here we go again: Carleton to require vaccination against Porch Plague

Researchers had been operating under the assumption that sleep deprivation, stress, and Bon Appetit eggs posed the most significant threat to the Carleton community’s health. Recently, however, a young hotshot virus hit the scene: The Porch House Viral Disease, or POVID-21.  The prevailing consensus among the scientific community is that…

Carleton cryptids: The quarantined quarters

What’s up, pal-a-normals? It’s your “boo,” Paranormal Investigator in-Residence Sue Dounim. I’m your one-stop shop for what makes all the others drop: The spooky specters squirming around this haunted-as-hell heckhole. OG Cryptophiles, you probably noticed I changed up my writing style a little since last year. Short story shorter, I…

A response to The Carl magazine

It was fourth week, and we at the Bald Spot paid our respects by publishing a “Fourth Week Bracket.” The ostensibly fun-loving folks over at The Carl magazine, however, did not get the joke. As it is (coincidentally) their custom to publish a weekly bracket, they issued a notice of…

Top 10 Numbers

We may divide numbers, but they unite us all. While some of us may occasionally find it difficult to appreciate those delectable digits, there’s not much point in resisting: They outnumber us at roughly infinity to one. But have you ever wondered which is the most illustrious integer? Rev up…