Mrs. Johnson
Married
Has no first name

“I was born in 18th-century Antarctica and believe me, the year, circumstances, and opinions circulating at the time of my birth are still EXTREMELY relevant to today’s world, specifically Overheard at Carleton. Alums are VALID.”

Edward Wellington III
Single

“Yes, it is I, the third in a long line of the grammar police, and I WILL NOT REST, nay I WILL NOT SLEEP A SINGLE WINK until I comment on every Carl’s post correcting his, their or HER usage of grammar, syntax, and word choice. I am on this Earth to make the world a better place, just like that one professor at Carleton told me, and this is how I manifest that ideal.”

Rune Norwayson
Separated

“There is nothing in the world that terrifies me, as a 300-lb, tall, bearded white man more than the reverse racism present at Carleton College in Northfield, MN. I’m not sending my kids there; hell, why am I living a mere 14.2 miles away from it in Faribault? O Lord Loki in heaven, these posts give me the heebie-jeebies.”

Brad Ohrwurm
In a Complicated
Relationship

“Seeing that post of the butts on 4th Libe really freaked me out ‘cause, y’know, I’d never seen a butt and all, but I heard God’s voice then and there and He told me to post exactly 100 comments beneath the said butts in order to subtly influence the opinions of the sinful students. I think it’s working, bird by bird, comment by comment.”

Jim Benson
Married
82 years old
Calls sprinkles “jimmies”

“Overheard at Carleton sure brings back memories like that time Albert and I jumped off the roof of Burton while naked and then were mystically transported via wormhole into a parallel universe where we fought off three-tongued monster demons before finding ourselves back on campus buried under a foot of snow. Good times, college. Best four years of my life.”