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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

Stairway to nowhere discovered in Anderson Hall


One interesting feature of Evelyn Anderson Hall that many students have noticed is a stairway to nowhere. It is a set of stairs that you walk up and leads to a solid wall. This has raised the obvious question, what lies beyond that wall? We at the Bald Spot have decided to take a closer look by pressing our ears against the wall and trying to look around it. Here are some of our top theories so far:
◉ The Schiller School of Architecture, Carleton’s first vocational school, was built but walled off by the studio art department for unclear reasons.
◉ The soft pretzel ingredients were put here, but accidentally walled off, leading to an even longer wait for their return as Bon App refuses to spend more on ingredients.
◉ 1000 copies of Fanged Noumena.
◉ The Geo Department’s filthy filthy oil money reserves.
◉ The absolute best pooping bathroom was walled off for fear of a stampede after LDC serves fish tacos.

One reaction of the Stairway to Nowhere came from the Religion Department, who frequently use the example of a “bridge to nowhere” to describe the inefficiencies of a centrally planned economy. Many Profs from the SOAN department have ventured even further, calling the whole building a “stairway to nowhere” on the grounds that most scientific experiments aren’t replicable, and most scientists will not contribute anything meaningful to their fields in their whole lives. Those that do contribute to their fields almost certainly do not teach or study at Carleton.

Some astute American Studies majors have boldly claimed that our science departments as a whole are “stairways to nowhere” because they are uses of resources that provide jobs to boost Carleton’s GDP, but also don’t serve any purpose to society.

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