Carleton College's student newspaper since 1877

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

A freshman asks, can I ever see the Bald Spot?

<r many members of the 2022 class, they have yet to experience the privilege of actually seeing and walking on the Bald Spot. Construction has sealed off the space to pedestrians, and the area has been heavily censored from the public eye by an impenetrable, green mesh fence. 

This has left many questions about the Bald Spot for first years. Is the grass there greener, its squirrels fatter, or, perhaps, is there something else entirely happening on that mystery tract of land? Here are some thoughts first-years had on the unknown landscape of the Bald Spot. 

Stevie P. struck gold there, I hear. He’s secretly harvesting the valuable mineral and using the geothermal project to launder money. Presumably, he’s buying broth.

The entire campus is built on a giant sinkhole. Rather than closing the school, workers are filling the void underneath Carleton with rock hard chicken from LDC. 

To prevent future flooding, Carleton is creating another lake. It will be called “Shylman” and will be unveiled at graduation. It will have less contamination and feces. While not safe to drink, it will be clean enough to swim in. 

It’s obvious: It’s an actual Bald Spot. Carleton is so meta. They are constructing a giant underground bust of Schiller. Peaking just above the surface will be Schiller’s bald and beautiful head. 

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