<rletonian is proud to announce that this year’s Spring Concert will be headlined by In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. The supporting acts will be Glass Animals, Fleet Foxes, Father John Misty, and either Greta Van Vleet or Led Zeppelin played from an iPhone 5c. It really doesn’t matter which.
A representative of the Spring Concert Committee 2019 said in an official statement, “We’ve looked at the past years’ line-ups and realized one thing: the artists we get usually don’t have a lot of staying power.” This is backed up by the fact that Anime has sunk to 324th most popular on Spotify along with many others falling in this rank. The only past artist that seems to be making a comeback is T-Pain with his tiny desk concert on NPR.
The representative continued, “This realization has guided our choices in choosing this years line-up. While we have only gotten into these bands recently, we are fairly confident that we will be listening to them for the rest of our adult lives.”
When asked what challenges the board expects to face when running the show, the representative said, “We have to try and make sure that Father John Misty actually plays no more than three of his songs in the time allotted, the rest of which we expect to be taken up by pseudo-political ranting that will probably be fairly well received by most Carls.”
The clear controversial pick was Glass Animals, and when asked about how they landed on such an obscure artist the representative replied, “It’s a funny story actually. I know not many people listen to them, but I just thought it’d be so cool for me to see them live, so I’ll admit it started as kinda selfish, but then I mentioned it to my one friend on the committee, and they listen to them too. What are the odds! It only gets weirder from there. It turns out that every single member of the committee also listens to them. While we are mainly doing this for ourselves, we hope to expose the rest of Carleton to this hidden musical gem.”
When asked if they felt special for listening to Glass Animals, the representative gave a sheepish yes.
I also inquired what artists did not make the list, to which the representative replied, “We actually got an offer from Smash Mouth for them to play for half of what we paid them last time, even without adjusting for inflation, but we had to turn them down due to our repeat policy that we created this year. We were heavily considering reaching out to Kids See Ghosts because Fantano really likes them, but then we realized Kanye is a part of that group. Right now our backup option is Slayyyter, or whoever is on the frontpage of Pitchfork tomorrow, if an iPhone 5c proves to be too hard to find or too expensive to buy.”
I am personally very excited to see the ITAOTS (In the Aeroplane Over the Sea) perform their album with the drum head live, and to sing along to “King of Carrot Flowers parts 1 & 2.”