Carleton College's student newspaper since 1877

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

How to appear athletic: A guide to spring term

<ring time, and you know what that means: it’s time to break out the frisbees and soccer balls and everything else you could possibly use to show that you’re a human who sometimes moves their body rigorously in the outdoors.

If this doesn’t sound appealing to you, I know you’re a kindred spirit. I like yoga. That doesn’t usually involve obvious displays of daily athleticism or a ball. You can’t easily prove to the world that like Mabel Frank and myself, you’re in Power Yoga, unless you go on The Hub and pull up the good old transcript. And you certainly shouldn’t carry your sweaty Cowling yoga mat around with you everywhere as proof. Especially in the dining hall. It’s not nice.

So how do you show that you’re one of the sporty crew on campus? Never fear, I’m here to give you a few tips and tricks to appear like you enjoy doing #sports in spring. There are many tips I could give you for appearing more athletic, but I hope that these few will give you some success.

Tip 1: It’s all in the outfit. Athleisure is a whole category of fashion wear now, and makes for great Project Runway challenges. Throw on some leggings or shorts, layer some tank tops and shirts, and you’ll be good to go. You will also definitely want to rummage back through your old shirts from high school and take out the superfans or shirts you got for swimming that one season five years ago. Dust them off and wear them with pride.

Tip 2: Observe your athletic friends. (Chances are you have them). Take note of the way that they walk. Mark their shoulders, how broad they are. Try to broaden your own shoulders. Walk with confident steps just like they do.

Tip 3: Speaking of confidence, do everything remotely athletic with confidence so that no one will question your athleticism. Run confidently. Elliptical confidently. Throw that frisbee confidently, albeit terribly. Breathe confidently. Everything is confident.

Tip 4: One time an athletic person spat in the bushes as I passed by him on the sidewalk. Maybe you could try that?

Tip 5: Watch sports and integrate words of athletic things into your daily vocab. Say things like “offense” and “defense” or “rebound,” or when passing the frisbee you could say “give me the rock!” Who knows.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover

Comments (0)

All The Carletonian Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *