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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian


<ir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-f4c6ae5b-ab17-2d30-2235-8094879a74fc">It’s 9:32am on a Friday. You thought you would have enough time to have a reasonably relaxing breakfast, but (horror of horrors!), it’s a Friday, and class starts 10 minutes earlier than usual. You did not realize this until 30 seconds ago, as you’re so sleep deprived that you can’t remember what day it is.

You walk-run into the LDC, already feeling flustered by its inexplicably confusing layout. You check your watch: 9:33. What to do? Grab an apple and run? But you can’t have lunch until 1:00, and already you’re feeling your stomach rumble with hunger. Feed me, it says. You want to oblige.

Never fear, intrepid traveler. I have for you: a guide to successful eating in LDC in under 7 minutes.

Minute 1: Go straight for the cereal. There’s no time to wait for any of those fancy eggs or vegetarian sausages, so you’re going to have to go for the next best thing. Suck it up. Grab a bowl and pour yourself some of your favorite cereal’s knock-off brand. Add some milk. You’re not that desperate for time, walk the five extra steps it takes you to get that delicious milk.

Minute 2: This is important. Turn right around to the Wild Thymes station and grab one of the regular white plates. Put your cereal bowl on it. Then go get some fruit. Those clear salad plates never give you enough room, and they’re also heavier so they will slow you down. We’re going for speed here, people.

Minute 3: Snag some silverware and sit down at the first available spot. EAT.

Minute 4: CONTINUE EATING. Sometimes the melon is cut small enough you can swallow it without chewing. Do that.

Minute 5: Dip. Go past the desserts while you’re on your way out and grab a muffin for the road. You earned it.

Minutes 6-7: Get to class! You might be a little late, but hey, at least you got some food. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, after all.

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