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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

Dorm Desirables Deliverables

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I realize that this is a college we’re talking about here, not a hotel. I mean by no means to imply that I expect a butler to show up to my room with freshly made caviar. However, there are some little things that I feel the campus and/ or surrounding community could provide to us hardworking students. Some of these are sincerely beneficial, but others just support my laziness.

1. Cat-For-A-Night: Those in dorms like Myers and Goodhue have been spoiled by the presence of campus cats, most notably the magnificent and legendary Lyman. Those of us in Musser can only snuggle with these furry friends in our imaginations. In order to level the playing field of cat-snuggling to terms of equality, there should be a service where students can rent out cats for a night. Sure, they will temporarily be responsible for services like feeding and the litter box. But that’s a small price to pay for the love and affection of Lyman.

Plus, think of the stress-relief benefits! We’re here towards the end of term, and imagine how many benefits a quick snuggle session with a rented cat would give us. Psychologically, it’s a great idea.

2. Insomnia Cookies: When I hear my friends who are going to colleges in cities like Boston and New York talk about their excessive orders of this midnight cookie service, I prepare to tell Carleton that I’m transferring to a city school (no, not really). You can only stuff so many cookies in your pocket at dinner before the workers at Burton glare at you. Thus, a complementary service that delivers fresh from the oven cookies to your dorm is not a want. It is a need.

3. Chipotle. No explanation needed. Someone bring me some guac.

4. Massages. College is hard, and expensive. Massages provide many direct health benefit, like decreasing anxiety and improving sleep quality. If we’re spending endless nights at the Libe until it closes, it isn’t too much to ask that the college provide complementary massage services right in our dorm rooms.

Plus, an increasingly limber student body (pun intended) can only do good things for our performance at state Yoga competitions.

5. Running water. I’m aware that some dorms like Evans have sinks in rooms. Also, anyone who reads this article has the right to accuse me of extreme laziness. But, once again, during those times when you’re dehydrated and not up for shambling to the bathroom, a sink right near your bed is just what you need.

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