This Wednesday, at a seemingly innocuous hour of about 4:30p.m., current juniors’ lives and friendships began to be permanently changed by the release of room draw numbers. Students laughed, students cried, students even jumped up and down on the spot. What these most happy celebrants didn’t realize, however, was that many of their friends were going to suddenly turn to them as sharks to blood in the water.
Over the last two days, the holders of the top three numbers have, according to sources, been ruthlessly pursued around campus by casual acquaintances, former roommates, friends from OCS and anyone else who thinks they have a shot. Lucky #3 anonymously commented that they borrowed a friend’s bike so as not to be apprehended between classes – at the cost of promising that friend a single in whatever arrangement they opt into.
On the other hand, number #1 has taken the curiously dedicated approach of hiding underground. By way of explanation for this extreme decision, and to raise awareness about the unfair persecution they have been facing since Wednesday, this student decided to anonymously share all the messages they’ve received for publications. Senders will also be anonymized for the sake of the tatters of friendship left that they share with the lucky number holder.
First, from their teammate: “heyyy I know we don’t really hang outside of frisbee, but me and the squad were hoping you could pull us into Dow.” While this message didn’t seem too extreme at first, the replication of the exact text from five people was quite spooky to our lucky senior, much like the stares they have been receiving from these individuals ever since.
A couple of friends took the more logical route of guilt, sending messages beginning with “hey remember that beer I gave you for free last week,” or alternatively, “do you remember when I picked you up from the hospital freshman year?” Working similarly with emotional tactics, this person’s freshman year roommate emailed them a long essay apologizing for everything they did, reminiscing on the past and how they wished they could change it, and finally expressing a declaration of romantic love and desire to be together forever.
Stranger was the message composed of clipped up newspaper letters sealed in an envelope in the student’s mailbox this morning, that read, “I’ve been watching you for several years now, and I have reason to believe we’d make great housemates. I already have a roommate who I’d like to bring with me, but we’ve been drawing into Nutting for the last few years, and we’re kind of sick of it. Why don’t we join you in a townhouse of your choosing? I can offer an incredible recommendation letter in the future to sweeten the deal. BTW, my friend ‘Dean L.’ is also interested. But me and my roommate would still join you without her if it’s a dealbreaker.”