As usual in 5th week, almost all students received a wristband and individual flower from the Student Activities Office (SAO) in their mailboxes ahead of Midwinter Ball on the following Saturday. However, this time, about 15 students received an additional card, informing them that they had been selected to perform a 30-minute DJ set at some point in the night. How did it get to this point?
Well, a few weeks ago, SAO started sending out their progressively more frequent and more panicked recruitment messages trying to encourage student DJs. Unfortunately, since as an anonymous SAO student worker said, “Carleton performative men have the worst music taste of any group of performative men anywhere,” very few people signed up initially. When a couple did and listed which Clairo songs they would play in their application, the form results mysteriously reset.
While the SAO office was not unhappy about this loss of data, it left them with few options. Tired of being forced to skip crucial friend group photo sessions to man the booth, student workers banded together in a meeting that for once, couldn’t have been an email, to strategize. They reasoned, many Carleton students publicly constantly express interest in music – where do they go when those emails circulate?
After bribing leaders of organizations with promises of free Sproncert drink tickets, SAO managed to get access to the email lists of the music department, KRLX, and The Cave. Once this step was done, all they had to do was create a digital raffle of the students and draw 15 lucky winners. A couple extra were included just in case people weren’t on campus. Each invitation promised a set time, 50 Schillers, and a personal escort to the event.
The SAO worker we sat down with explained, “we knew some people would be reluctant, so we assigned an escort. Our plan is, the first time these student DJs use their OneCard at a dining hall tomorrow, we’ll meet them there and then stick with them until their set. It’s foolproof. And there’s no escaping it.”
While their methods may seem unconventional and terroristic in nature, it also seems only fair. After all, most students enjoy the music – why shouldn’t they take their turn every once in a while?
