At the start of Winter Term 2026, the dining halls discreetly hired several more student cooking employees due to the organization’s astronomically high turnover rates. Throughout the first few weeks, these students have to adjust to both their new hours, and the incredibly cryptic box of recipe cards kept in the back of the Burton kitchen. This week, The Carletonian sat down for an anonymous interview with a student who wished to share their experience in the kitchen.
The student said, “I want to make it very clear that this was an accident. I can’t go on the record because Bon Appetit will pursue legal action, but I claim absolutely no responsibility for what happened. It all started on Thursday, Jan. 8. There’s a small box called “Thursday recipes” that focus on using the remaining ingredients we have before we get our new shipment in, which always happens on Friday. I was in charge of prepping the broccoli, which is seasoned with neutral oil, salt, and sometimes pepper. Anyway, I guess we also get new salt on Friday, which is weird, but whatever, and we can’t store all of it, so we have to use it up. Since the broccoli is one of the last things to go into the oven for the day, the card just says, ‘use all the salt remaining in the salt room,’ which is what I wanted to do. Except, I was on OCS last term, and I’ve never worked for Bon App before, so I asked my shift manager where the salt room was. I was directed through that tunnel in the middle of the main room, and after taking the various lefts and rights they told me to, I figured I was kind of under Sayles, but like, a layer under KRLX. And there it was – a room simply marked salt. And yes, I was surprised there was so much left, but I knew there had been comments all week about the lack of seasoning in the mac n cheese and the gyro bowl, so I figured it made sense. And so, I put all the salt in the broccoli, and the broccoli was incredibly salty. And that’s it, I guess.”
Unfortunately, what this student didn’t know was how this information coincided with private details leaked by an insider from the email chain between President Byerly and the hot security guard concerning salting the streets around campus. On Jan. 10, following the forecast of four inches the next day, he emailed her saying, “Dear President Byerly, I regret to inform you that Carleton’s five-year supply of salt has gone missing from the secret extra basement level of Sayles. Due to the national shortage, we have been unable to procure any extra so far. Will keep you updated about the situation.” While President Byerly was extremely concerned and urged the hot security guard to continue his search, she was unfortunately unable to personally help, since she does not keep or use any salt in her own home.
Following this mishap, The Carletonian is seeking to help restore the supplies and get our pavements salted through grassroots organizing, as journalists are very susceptible to slipping on the ice. If you have any extra supply of salt, please deposit it quietly in the aforementioned storeroom between the hours of 11 p.m. and 4 a.m. Please be respectful of Sayles Rodent quiet hours from 4-7 AM. The room can be found by going down the stairs next to SAO, going under that staircase, spinning around in a circle 10 times with your eyes closed, saying the magic word, going down the newly appeared staircase, and making two rights and a left before reaching the third door on the right.
