It’s that time of year, folks! Temperatures are dropping, leaves are changing, and those unlucky few who get up early for 1/2cs can even enjoy the frost. Many in the student body agree: the time to trade in crop tops and skirts for hoodies and sweatpants is upon us. However, not all are quite ready to make this transition. Indeed, a frightening specter of summer still haunts Carleton’s campus. Like a groundhog seeing his shadow and deciding four more weeks of winter, the men of Carleton’s campus have checked their weather apps and declared four more weeks of shorts.
“It’s called fall term for a reason,” said Panta Loon ‘28. “The sun is shining, there’s no snow on the ground. Why shouldn’t I wear shorts?”
Fed up with the negative responses to their fashion choices, the men of Carleton have even formed a new association: Carls Against Leg-covering Fashions (CALF, CSA approval pending). CALF President George Denim ‘26, said that the group’s main intention is to raise awareness on Carleton’s campus about the unnecessary nature of long pants.
“You don’t actually need to wear long pants,” Denim said. “It’s just not that cold outside.”
CALF’s other goals include expanding to include jorts, ensuring all members of the group wear exclusively crew socks and not shopping for winter boots. Some in the association are even advocating for tank tops to be included, although that topic is highly debated. One member of CALF was even expelled from the group for using the term “wife beater” in the conversation. The majority of the group’s members still prefer full coverage above the waist with at least long sleeves, if not a hoodie.
“Look, we’re all on the same page about shorts. But tank tops are a little much for me, and for most of the group, I think. We wear shorts because we’re not cold and there’s no need to wear long pants. But tank tops and short sleeves are just excessive. What are you trying to prove?” Art Trouser ‘26, CALF secretary, said when asked about the group’s pro-tank top faction.
“We’re not saying everyone needs to break out their down parkas or their wool trenchcoats,” Denim added. “But there’s no way you’re not cold in shorts and a tank top. That extra few inches of sleeve fabric over the arms makes all the difference.”
The unflinching consensus among leading members of CALF has caused some to wonder if another group should be created in favor of short sleeves and tank tops. Some suggested names include Allies Refusing Maxi Sleeves (ARMS), the Society for Helping in Removing the Sleeves (tSHiRtS) and Society for Helping Oversleeved Undergraduates Let Down the Extraneous Rags (SHOULDER). Regardless of internal conflicts, the group’s influence is already clear—reports from St. Olaf indicate the appearance of a similar organization starting up on campus across town. May we suggest the name Project Against No Tolerance for Shorts (PANTS)? Or perhaps League for the Endorsement of Guy’s Shorts (LEGS)? Regardless of any disagreements on sleeve lengths, the group’s agreement on hem length is firm. And it’s clear that the group will not be dissuaded, so be warned, Carleton! The shorts are here to stay!