After a summer where I did little more than sit in front of a computer playing New York Times games (I got the wordle in 2 guesses thrice, in case you were wondering), I was excited to finally start a new year of school. I found where all of my classes would be, panicked when none of my Moodle pages were up and most importantly, chose and laid out my stunning first day of classes outfit on top of my standard Carleton dresser.

It’s a whole ensemble, brand-new and EXPENSIVE. I’m talking four figures here. And it all matches, from head-to-toe. It’s an ordeal to get on and off too. I ordered it specially from a small bespoke store in Cambridge, Mass. You won’t have heard of it, and anyway, they take a very limited number of new names to their seven-year waitlist each year. But that’s alright, it will all be worth it in the end when I’m strutting around the Bald Spot in this fancy, put-together, completely unique outfit…wait…WHAT?

I walked out of Leighton after my last class and saw someone else wearing the EXACT SAME THING! Well, it was in a different color scheme I guess (Orange and black are NOT your colors, sir), but still! And it’s hot out today. I’m really starting to sweat under this thing. But it’s ok, just one other person wearing my stunning getup isn’t SO bad, right? Everyone will be able to tell that I wore it better, like a magazine from the early 2000s. 

But it gets worse. I started making my way towards the chapel and saw person after person wearing the exact same outfit. The same flowy style and identical bell sleeves that my tailor told me would perfectly complement my wrists, all in their own personal two-color set. AND the hat too! The same stupid octagonal felt hat with the same worthless tassel that I worked SO hard to find! 

All of a sudden, all of us get rounded up into a line. I guess they all duped us into wearing this outfit and wanted to show off how attached we are to the trends of the fast-fashion industry? Mine took a while at least, has a genuine quality, but I heard some of these posers talking about how it only took them 1 or 2 years to get a hold of theirs. These people have no dedication. Then I heard bells start to ring, and we all walked in a line towards the chapel in pairs. I was paired with this religion guy wearing red with black stripes. Copy-cat much? About half of us are wearing red and black. Whatever, at least I’m being processed into this building to show off my new outfit.

Besides getting this brand-new (dry clean only!) fabric bombarded with bubbles, it was a pretty cool event. We got to have a little fashion show at the beginning and end, even though the lady at the front of the line with the big medal and staff didn’t appreciate my model walking. And in between, I just got to zone out because these giant sleeves conceal my phone. Anyway, it’s probably time to put this diary away and put my moodle page up. And don’t worry, I have an even more unique outfit planned for tomorrow: a blue dress shirt and khaki pants!