Across campus this week, students celebrated the return of warm weather by spending time outside. Popular Carleton outdoor activities include tossing around a frisbee, hammocking, sunbathing on the islands, participating in Beerlympics or through truly horrifying PDA on the Bald Spot. Many students hoped to develop a “base tan” for the rest of spring, rolling out bath towels on the Bald Spot and mini Bald Spot to roast in the sun for several hours. For some students, this activity is not feasible, particularly redheaded students, which Carleton has a strange surplus of. Though most require SPF values exceeding 100 to sufficiently protect themselves from the sun, some gingers paid little attention to the maximum UV value of eight this weekend, stampeding onto the Bald Spot in a sea of red.
This midterm weekend, when hordes of predominantly female students reportedly mowed down Northfield residents and fellow classmates in pursuit of their tans, gingers were among them, yet many lacked sufficient sun protection. After several hours in the sun, Bald Spot goers reported that they believed they saw the protagonist of author Norman Bridwell’s classic children’s-book-series-turned PBS Kids show “Clifford the Big Red Dog” resting on the Bald Spot. “I thought maybe the sun was making me hallucinate… I looked up and saw a figure the same shade as Clifford tanning in a bikini on the Bald Spot” reported Curious George ’27.
“He bounded toward me, and I got super excited because I thought SWA got Clifford as their dog this week. Turns out it was just that ginger from my poli sci class,” reported POSC major Angelina Ballerina ’27.
The sun’s glare had other effects, too. Other students, such as Barney A. Friends ’25, believed he saw Polish flags waving in the breeze on the Bald Spot. “Is it, like, Polish Independence Day or something?” he wondered. Upon closer examination, he found that the white and red flags were actually the backs of ginger students with second-degree burns from the sun, contrasted with the pale white of untouched skin. Other students, such as Wild Kratt ’26, thought they saw the flag of Indonesia on the Bald Spot, similarly believing it to be a cultural celebration rather than students experiencing major health concerns.
In the aftermath, the breeze carried mysterious white flakes across campus, collecting in piles on the sidewalk, found to be the remnants of ginger students’ sunburns. In many classes, students such as Sesame Street ’25 reported being unable to work in class due to the violent and ceaseless scratching of redheaded students suffering from sunburns. As gingers flocked to Myers to take advantage of the building’s freezing cold showers, screams of pure terror echoed throughout the building as residents ran into gingers in the dark and dank shower stalls whose white eyes contrasted so starkly with their bright red skin that they looked like the Heat Miser, antagonist of animated short film “The Year Without a Santa Claus”.
While the Carleton bookstore offers sunscreen, it is safe to assume that this will not be the last time that gingers wreak havoc across campus in the aftermath of their severe sunburns.
