Hello, dear readers.
After communicating with the spirits of Northfield, from those in the Arb to those employed by the History department to those in my 70-seat psych 110 class, it appears that they have more words of advice (and warning) for our dear students. According to them, you all need tons more guidance – which I believe – and for some reason they are willing to provide that, so long as you spend a day outside without shoes for every positive effect they bring you. Their hearts are in the right place, but they’re into some weird stuff. I have transcribed what I could of their tips and tricks for week 6, although some things were unclear, in tone and audibility.
Houses: this week will bring a lot of assignments. You might have forgotten the library exists, what with your proximity to all those little coffee shops (#jealous) but consider paying it a visit, if only to take a nice nap. Fortunate nap spots include the couches under the inside balcony on third, if you want to get some sunlight at the same time, or any of the spread-out armchairs and couches on second, for more seclusion and peace.
Goodhue: watch out for seasonal allergies. Consider wearing a beekeeper hat on your walk to and from your dorm, to effectively avoid allergies, and anyone you know or may be interested in. No beekeeper hat? Try a black ski mask. If this doesn’t work, you can look into allergy medicine.
Evans: the spirits kinda forgot about you. Make sure you’re going outside, I guess, to at least stay relevant (if not for the obvious health benefits).
Cassat: you should really take a minute and relax sometime. Go get coffee with a friend. Watch the world go by. But if you want to appreciate your dorm and your beautiful spacious convenient showers in the weeks you have left with it, we do understand.
Myers: why don’t you just take it easy this weekend? Do some homework. Read a book. You have so many more years to be crazy, to go to ragers, to be bisexual and hungover.
Nourse: no advice but wow. You are so cool. Every spirit wishes they were you. What’s it like being the funniest and hottest people on campus? Have a wonderful weekend and stay self-respecting (like seriously. Do not let the self-respect waver, no matter what. The second you show weakness, they will come).
James: spirits are saying you could have 50 years of good luck within reach…and all you have to do is cover my Thursday 2:30 AM radio show next week…email me for more info about how to unlock good luck and a mysterious fortune and maybe even a pot of gold (real and not clickbait)!!!!
The complex: Literally just come to LDC breakfast. We do not care + we are not going all the way over there. The spirits want to know if Wednesday LDC breakfast burritos mean nothing to you. If your East campus friends mean nothing to you. Also, we’d just like to say hi. It’s been a while.
Xoxo,
Tabitha, Prime Dormstrologist