On Monday, Carleton released a series of land use proposals pertaining to the most recent addition to the Carleton collection of Bald Spots. The newest bald spot, popularly called the Funky Bald Spot, was created adjacent to Anderson Hall thanks to the demolition of the record-breaking 41-time winner of the annual “Ugliest Building on Campus” contest, Music Hall. The demolition of Music Hall occurred over a year ago, and as of now, the site where it once stood sports nothing but a parking lot and large patch of grass. The Carleton administration, however, sees an opportunity for new building innovation.
With the recent announcement of Carleton’s 2033 strategic plan, which looks into the next decade of the college’s existence, we saw a series of options that the college is considering. While no plans have yet been finalized, this plan gives us an idea of this area’s future. The college began the announcement by establishing that this is prime real estate — so prime, in fact, that the official strategic plan states, “We have been contacted by multiple real estate agents attempting to buy the property off of Carleton’s hands, arguing that they could make better use of it with a state-of-the-art condo complex.” Not to mention that, compared to distant Lilac Hill, the newest housing project on campus, this newly available central location “looks mighty appealing.” The document outlines three viable options for using the land.
The first option presented in the document is more housing: Carleton proposes to build “Watson 2” in order to accommodate the growing student body, expected to double in number as the college fights to rebuild their “sorely crippled endowment.” It appears obvious that this option is the most logical — after all, the endowment only grew by a paltry 1.6 million barrels of oil last year — and while they did not release any preliminary housing numbers or sketches, the student body is sure that the sequel to Watson, widely regarded as the cleanest and least odorous residence hall, will be even more hospitable and luxurious than the original.
The second option is an exact mirror image of the Anderson complex, currently found directly across from the Funky Bald Spot. Part of the strategic plan is an added focus on reinvigorating the humanities at Carleton, and this location is identified as a prime opportunity for a sprawling complex housing English, history and more. The document also suggested that this space would be ideal for “Human Laboratories,” which consist solely of a large maze with a block of cheese and a 5-hour energy at the center. The purpose of this was not explained in the document, but the board was adamant that the study would “greatly enhance Carleton students’ logical reasoning and sense of smell. They also suggested turning the site into a permanent Archaeology lab site in order to fully excavate the ruins of Gridley Hall, fabled to be the final resting place of former president Jimmy Carter.
The last major recommendation for this piece of land, a suggestion by an alum, is for it to become a mini-golf course. It seems that this alum also promised a large donation to help build the course, with the document outlining a plan to rectify the perceived “deficit in the Carleton golf team’s putting abilities.” Some have decried this option as, “dumb” and “useless,” while another student stated, “I’d love that! I’ve been looking to improve my putt for years! I’m glad my dad finally talked to Allie B about that, and hopefully the 50 million dollar donation will be enough to convince her!”
While it’s hard to know exactly what the future for Carleton College is, it looks bright. A new building or mini golf course would help spice up campus and give everyone a necessary dose of excitement during Carleton’s long and arduous terms.
President Byerly is accepting student input on uses for the new space through email, YikYak and notes tied to bricks thrown through Nutting House windows. She encourages all interested students to “make your voices heard in the college’s decision-making process, and get off my damn lawn!”
