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The Carletonian

A rank down of every major at Carleton: part one

After writing one too many opinion articles about how majors don’t matter, and how no major is better than the other (despite difficulty), I’ve realized I was wrong. The truth is, every time I am in one of those ‘introduction circles’ in class or a club my ears lose interest around people’s names or the locations they choose to call home. The information I actually seek, the reason my mind does not adrift go is one simple data point: their major. Why? Because in a school that treasures the liberal arts and being a well-rounded person, it is rather telling of a person’s priorities what they choose to spend around 72 credits on.

A clever reader may perhaps bring up the point that a rank down is inherently hierarchical and we would never want to make people feel bad for their choice of major. After all, every major is valid right? Wrong. There is only one correct major choice, but unfortunately for us Carls, Nordic Studies is only offered at St. Olaf. As such we will unfortunately have to conform ourselves to the measly choices the other side of the Cannon affords us. I will preface the rankings by saying that as a true connoisseur of the programs at Carleton, I have only been blessed with a term’s worth of knowledge each from a total of nine departments. In other words, I have taken classes in about eight more departments than the average computer science major. Without further ado, my vibe-backed choices for the best majors at Carleton.

S+ Tier: Studio Art

Up at the top comes Studio Art. Yes, that’s right. I am putting the art major at the top. Is it because I have 0 artistic talent and am therefore jealous of every Studio Art major? No! You have 0 artistic talent and are therefore jealous of every Studio Art major. 

S Tier: Environmental Studies, Africana Studies, Gender, Women’s and Sexuality Studies and Russian. 

Environmental Studies brings the front. Solely because I #StandWithScience and firmly believe someone should be majoring in this. Will it be me? No, but shout out to those who do. To Africana Studies, and GWSS I will be honest. I only put you here because I feel bad as they’re barely departments. I think Carleton at some point decided that ‘Professor of’ should not ever precede ‘Africana Studies’ without also including the words ‘Visiting.’  Russian gets an S tier rating because it seems alright but I had no idea it was a major until now.

A Tier: Music, Religion, Cinema and Media Studies, Physics.

Music sounds (get it? It’s a music pun) like a great major, but all the kids that should be majoring in Music are off majoring in ‘useful’ things like Art History or whatever. Religion is alright, but I’ve been to Sunday school and the bread lacked taste and the wine was mid. Cinema and Media Studies lost me the second they called themselves ‘CAMS.’ Grow up, puns are stupid. Also, just because a film is in French doesn’t mean it’s underrated. Lastly, Physics. You all grind, and I respect that. But maybe put that effort into something other than a Jenga tower at Anderson. 

B Tier: Asian Studies, Cognitive Science, Geology and Mathematics

Asian Studies really does not feel like it should be a real major. Asia is pretty big, how much do you actually know about it and its studies? But I will assume that you know a lot. Go you! I am taking my first Cognitive Science class this term and I strongly believe it’s a shame our Division 3 teams can’t do drugs while an entire academic field makes a living off of it. Geology rocks, but no drugs are to be found. Please stop going on trips over mid term break though, I’m jealous. Math is a great department but is not in A tier because of the double majors. Sorry, but you know who you are. 

To be continued next week…

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