<go, I woke up after drowsing off to sleep and found myself in a stone tower. I heard the cackle of my evil stepmother, and knew that unless a valiant knight was to rescue me from this cruel torture, I would have to spend the rest of my life in the confines of the cold, dark prison. I waited for my knight. Japanese beetles buzzed around me as I wallowed in self-pity.
As I was reaching for the bright red, juicy apple my stepmother left by my bedside, the door slammed open. Two knights crashed into my dungeon, tore the apple out of my hand and threw it far off into the distance, where I heard the faint sound of poison burning up a cornfield. The two men unveiled their faces. Underneath the tough metal helmets were two Carleton freshmen I have come to know and love as the chivalrous knights who will protect me from any danger while also cheering for their beloved football team: Jimmy Rothschild and Griffin Williams.
Rothschild and Williams decided late at night a few weeks ago that they would bid for a replica of a suit of armor on eBay.
“Well, I was looking into buying a knight’s helmet and then Jimmy walked into the room and at about 4:00 in the morning, we realized how extraordinarily fantastical it would be to wear a suit of armor, period,” Williams said.
They didn’t immediately place the bid, but rather waited until the next morning, when they could be more lucid in committing to the suit.
“Well, it was late when we thought of it and we thought that when we woke up the next day, we’d realize what a horrible idea it was, but we got up and realized that it was still a bomb ass idea,” Rothschild said.
Realizing that Carleton desperately needed a physical representation of its mascot, Rothschild and Williams went all out. They placed a bid on a replica of a 16th century steel suit of armor made in Toledo, Spain (It’s “legit”). Ordering the suit of armor from a vendor in Germany, however, has proven to be costly. Rothschild and Williams have appealed to the Carleton community and the local Northfield community for assistance in funding their project.
“We went to Oden’s office hours and he said that he might be able to help out but couldn’t cover the whole thing. He sent us to the Dean of Students and we were promptly directed to the Athletic Department. Eventually we got rejected by the Athletic Department too. About a week and a half ago, we went to Northfield and found the general themes of absent store managers and hard economic times.
“After getting rejected by the entirety of the Northfield community, we asked the Alumni Association and the CSA,” said Williams. “The CSA Budget Committee had some specific questions and thus the issue was tabled until this week. Some people do support us though, as proved by the $100 we raised soliciting fans coming out of the last home football game.”
The CSA Budget Committee decided on funding for the suit of armor last night at its weekly meeting.They allocated $400 to the cause, so long as they can find a place for storage. Valiant budget knights led by the chivalrous Stephen Gee (“he’s our ‘gee’”) led the fight. The Alumni Association also expressed their support of the endeavor.
In these difficult economic times, we should never forget the importance of chivalry and community safety. Though Williams and Rothschild plan to use the suit for Cheer Boys purposes, they also wish to display the suit of armor in a public space at on campus. We may not all be Cheer Boys, but we are all knights.
Valiance, determination, and the quest for the grail are part of all of us. Well, maybe not the search for the grail, but Carleton could certainly use some maiden-saving, sword-bearing, honor-defending knights right about now.
In the meantime, Williams and Rothschild have a last request: “Donations would be appreciated, checks to ‘Griffin Williams’, mailbox 74.”