<r Aphro,
I always get drunk and hook up with this special someone on Friday nights. We don’t see each other much during daylight hours, but her parents are coming to Family Weekend and she wants me to meet them. I’m not looking to amp up our relationship; what do I do?
Thanks for your help,
One-Night Wanda
Hi Wanda,
I see you have reached that crucial stage in your relationship where you need to DTR. Ditch, Then Run.
JK! The truth is, Wanda, you know what you have to do, and you’ve known since Friday night with your special Sophie turned into Friday nights. It’s time to define the relationship.
As I see it, defining the relationship goes one of three ways. One. Both of you are excited about each other, and the idea of becoming more significant is thrilling. Even if one of you is a little nervous about the next step, you’re interested enough in the person to take the risk. Two. Neither of you wants anything more serious, and it’s a relief to clarify that. Maybe you’d secretly hoped the other person wanted more, but it’s much easier this way. Then there’s three… You are on two different pages. And the thing is, Wanda, people don’t have X-Ray vision, so if you want to get on the same page, you need to open yourself up.
Since you don’t normally see Sophiein the day, you might have to send a text asking her to meet up. Or, since you presumably know where her room is, try swinging by at a time you think she’ll be around. Just make sure you talk before her parents arrive.
When you’re with her, the goal is to make her feel as little awkward as possible. For that, I have a tried and true method, and it’s called Rehearsed Stream of Consciousness. Just get it all out at once, casual and kind. Here’s your sample: “Ok, so it occurred to me that we’ve been hooking up a lot but we haven’t really established what’s going on, so I was thinking about what I want to be going on, and really all I can handle right now is a hook-up, so I just figured I should tell you because that’s obviously something that you should know. What do you think?”
Once you’ve said this, I wouldn’t even bother bringing up the parents. Either Sophie already figured it would be a casual introduction with no larger significance and it won’t be a huge deal whether you’re able to meet them or not, or, she now realizes that your relationship is not going where she thought it was, and she won’t even bring up the invitation.
Remember, Wanda, sometimes in trying to protect someone’s feelings, we end up hurting them more in the long run. Always be direct when you can. Always keep it real.
Hearts and Hugs,
Aphro
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