Carleton completed numerous construction projects this summer, adding new housing on 2nd Street, renovating M*sser H*ll, and most notably completing construction of its new Class of 1974 Center. The building will serve as a home to student health and wellness resources, including Student Health and Counseling. Students across campus have been wondering “they fit into a basement before, like what are they going to do with that building?” or “what devious activities could be taking place in that building?” or even (albeit foolishly), “I wonder if this means they’ll have more appointments available each day?”.
Though originally intended to be used as a temporary space, Student Health and Counseling has lived in the basement of Davis Hall for 169 years, since the founding of Carleton. SHAC’s “temporary” location has seen the 1918 Spanish Flu outbreak, the 1924-25 Minnesota smallpox epidemic, and the 1976 swine flu outbreak. Because the space was not constructed for the purpose of a clinic, it could not provide the services necessary for students. For instance, during health appointments, counselors and health practitioners can often hear music or conversations drifting downstairs from Davis. One student, Influ Enza ’27, reported that during her tonsillitis checkup she started hearing snippets of Flo Milli’s Rodeo blasting from a Davis suite.
The new Class of 1974 Center is a looming brick building positioned right next to the Admissions Center, greeting visitors as they enter campus. The building is truly enormous, and students suspect that designers of the building attempted to emulate 1970s architectural style through the building’s interesting curves and post-brutalist blockiness.
The new building will feature a variety of different resources.
Students are most excited for the new building’s Man Cold Clinic. In winter term, Center director Tendin Itis ’89 hopes to see the center abuzz with male students who feel a little tingle in their throat, have an itsy-bitsy headache, or are dealing with the sniffles. The Man Cold Clinic will provide optimal opportunity for patients to play Clash Royale through its prolonged bed-stay program, limitless cozy blankets, and cold compresses.
A bird-focused trauma care facility on the second floor will administer care to students who have been viciously attacked by the truly savage geese that haunt the sidewalk between Evans and Goodhue.
Also featured in the new center is a gastrointestinal clinic for students dealing with the aftermath of suspicious dining hall meals. Students who have made the crucial mistake of ingesting Burton’s English Toffee Cappuccino or LDC’s Mongolian beef can receive specialty care. The center also handles students who were injured in dining hall tray-related sledding accidents.
The new center will also specialize in frisbee-related injuries, which are endemic across campus. Frisbee players suffering from layout scrapes or broken ribs as well as frisbee victims who may have been sliced while trying to study on the Bald Spot, take a biology final, present their comps research, lead a class discussion, take a shower, sleep, or simply eat in LDC can receive treatment in the facility.
Though the new center will certainly feature augmented student resources and an enormous new space, it will continue to close on the weekends. Instead, if Carleton students should suffer from health crises outside of regular business hours, the center recommends that students hitchhike to Urgent Care or walk the three miles to Northfield Hospital.
