Unless you somehow worked your way around the system, my bet is that you were given a random roommate your freshman fall. You may have switched out for winter, maybe your roommate decided not to show up — I’ve even heard of roommates just up and leaving without any explanation. But, even under all of these circumstances, you were required to arrive at Carleton’s campus for New Student Week (NSW) under the assumption that you’d be sharing a living space with an individual you’d never met before. This was most likely terrifying (it was for me at least). What if you hated each other? What if they turned the room into a pig sty? What if they stayed up late playing video games with the volume all the way up? The main thing I told myself to calm my nerves was that sophomore year was completely my choice. I was confident that I’d find some good friends, and one of those people would definitely be my future roommate. Little did I know that I’d agree to room with my random roommate for a second year in a row within the first five weeks of fall term! It wasn’t even a question. 

Now don’t get me wrong — my roommate and I are close. Every night, I look forward to getting home to talk to her about my day. We keep each other up to date on our lives, classes, etc. The key piece of that, though, is that I rarely see her before that. Does this contribute to the success of our roommate relationship? Would being more involved in each other’s lives outside of Myers Hall take away from our ideal cohabitation? Part of me thinks yes, it would. I believe that a slight social separation is just one aspect of many that make up a “good” roommate decision.

One of the first statistics I learned while training to become a tour guide at Carleton was that Residential Life hears more complaints from sophomores who chose their own roommates than freshmen who were randomly assigned roommates. Who knows if this is still the case or if this is an outdated statement, but it really stuck with me. I don’t really have two experiences to compare against one another, so I never really thought about the consequences of rooming decisions sophomore year and onward. In fact, most of my friends stayed with their random roommates as well. Now that I reflect on my choice, I can appreciate the unique characteristics that make up my fabulous roommate relationship. 

To begin, as I touched on briefly before, we do not operate in the same social circles. We have many overlapping friends, but many of our day-to-day activities and meals are separate from one another. Not only does this foster a perfect debrief conversation as we get ready for bed, but it motivates us to go out of our way to find other times to see each other. I always am trying to find ways to express my gratitude toward her, whether that is getting her a Friday flower or picking up some groceries for her at Target. She does the same for me, and I consistently feel like she has my back — in and out of our room. 

This is not the only ingredient in the roommate recipe, though. There are plenty of people on campus that I don’t see often and would not think of to share a living space with. The other piece of the puzzle for me is shared values. Quite vague, I know. But this hypothesis of mine has been backed up time and time again by others commenting on me and my roommate’s exceptional levels of communication. Not only do we make an effort to keep each other up to date with our goings-ons — when we’re coming home, what time we’re waking up, if we have to do homework in the room late, etc., but we also prioritize similar habits and acts of respect. We share necessities (and snacks!), we offer to come home earlier/later, we check in with one another if one of us seems down. I often take this for granted, but it genuinely makes my dorm room feel like a home. I am never scared to set a boundary, to ask a “stupid” request. I don’t feel like I’m intruding on her space, nor that she’s intruding on mine. 

I cannot speak for everyone at Carleton, obviously. But, I do feel confident that these two considerations will help when considering roommate possibilities. You’ll set yourself up for a stress-free residential environment. And with all the other stress that Carleton throws at us throughout the term, I know I at least personally appreciate not having to feel anxious about the spot I’m going home to at night. So when thinking about your plans for next fall (or winter if you’re going abroad!), consider the criteria you’re using to make this decision. Good luck Carls! And shout-out to my lovely roommate.