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BREAKING: Audio of Trump Telling Melania He Has COVID-19

On the morning of October 2, 2020, President Donald Trump revealed to the nation that he had recently tested positive for COVID-19. The Bald Spot somehow managed to obtain exclusive audio footage of the President initially revealing the diagnosis to his wife, the First Lady. Read on for an excerpt…

Grades in a pandemic? Not so fresh, man

I’m a freshman. Perhaps aggressively so. I have never been to the Lower Arb. I’ve gotten lost in Anderson three times, two of which were on the same day. And I still find myself mystified by the vast breadth of pastries I see spread out before me at every mealtime.…

Carleton Puritans unveil “@CarlsRepress” Instagram account

The recently-launched @CarlsConfess Instagram page has granted Carleton students—and possibly some masquerading St. Olaf students—a pulpit from which to bare their best-kept secrets under the pretense of complete anonymity. In practice, this means that the internet now has access to a digital library of dubious collegiate sex stories set in…

OCS trip to Dundas gains popularity

Its population is 1,367. It was once the milling capital of a specific portion of the midwest. And now, a sudden surge of interest has reintroduced Dundas, Minnesota to the world—as Carleton students’ preferred off-campus study site.  “We are absolutely thrilled to see the storied burg of Dundas finally clinch…