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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The wrong turns of winter term

< of the term. The end of nine stressful, sleep-deprived, frustrating, drama-filled weeks. And, like during the end of every term, I have time to look back and objectively reflect on the events of these past few weeks, both at Carleton – the cancellation of the Pre-Frosh Trips, the termination of Robin Hart Ruthenbeck’s contract, just for starters – and nationwide – Fidel Castro stepping down, Ralph Nader stepping up. And I finally have time to wonder why I didn’t just stay in Spain (I’m only partially kidding). But most importantly, at the end of the term, I have time to make my traditional end-of-term Enemies List for the Winter of 2008. And, without further adieu:

The frozen cheesecake/pie that’s available in the Snack Bar. Seriously, what fun is it to wait TWO HOURS for these things to thaw out? And even when it does, it’s not like it’s very easy to eat with our sustainable silverware, anyway. It’s nothing at all like those pies that I used to buy at Burger King when I was kid. Those things are hidden away in the back for a reason.

People who were complaining about the snow on Thursday night. I mean, come on, it was one inch. It’s still February! You’re still in Minnesota, unless you forgot! If you want warm weather, don’t come to Carleton.

Richard Nixon. “Victoria’s Secret too sexy now?” “Boy faints, but Schwarzenegger helps him.” Seriously? This is quality American journalism at its finest. Give me a break.

People who don’t understand what Facebook is and how it works. You might have missed that a few weeks ago, but some Minnesota High School students were suspended when pictures of them drinking underage surfaced in the hands of the school administration. “Invasion of privacy!” they yelled, as all five of them walked off during class. “Not fair to suspend my children!” shouted parents, as they wrote letters to the editor to the Star Tribune. “Those pictures were posted without their permission!” Actually, it wasn’t invasion of privacy, and it was absolutely fair to suspend the students, and the photos, in all likelihood, weren’t posted without permission. Those students should have thought twice about confirming those pictures of themselves, and they definitely have a say about whether or not pictures get posted. If they had the common sense to say, “Hold on a second, there could be serious repercussions of pictures of me drinking underage on the internet,” then maybe they could have done the smart thing and told Facebook that there was an inappropriate picture of them, in which case facebook would take the photo down in a day or two. Come on. Do some research.

Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens, for ruining the great game of baseball. Roger, admit that you’ve been lying all this time, and get it over with. Congress is going to find out sooner or later, so you’re just making this harder on yourself. And yes, Barry, your record IS tainted. No matter what you say or think or convince yourself. Soccer in Europe doesn’t have this problem – they just have good old-fashioned riots.

Ralph Nader. I feel…cold, just like eight years ago.

The judges at DVD Fest. Come on, recognize movies that deserve to win, not that stupid artsy thing that has won two years in a row. I mean, I MADE FUN OF THAT IN MY MOVIE. In my movie, entitled “How to Make a DVD Fest Movie,” I included a section that said “Step 4: Something artsy.” My implication was, of course, that if you made something stupid and artsy that didn’t make any sense (and didn’t pretend to make any sense), the judges would like it. And, what do you know. They did! Big surprise there.

People who don’t like “No Country for Old Men.” Even now that it’s won Best Picture. It’s good! Admit that it’s just too intellectual for you and move on.

Mankato, Minnesota. Too many lives lost to alcohol poisoning. It shouldn’t be.

The Department of Student Life. I don’t care; I’m still angry, and I still disagree with everything that you’re doing.

So, that’s it. Stay tuned for Spring – I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for that next Enemies List!

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