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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

Snarky cover letter

<r Imaginary Company,

Please accept this letter to indicate my sincere interest in the random position at your organization that I found while browsing opportunities on the organization’s website. Once I graduate in June of 2019 with a degree in Political Science/International Relations from Carleton College, I would like to use this opportunity to put some colorful experience on my resume and get paid.

From my coursework and professional experiences, I have developed the researching, analytical thinking and writing skills to be a successful position doing God knows what. In college my academic focus has been on mastering the art of doing pushups on busy highways without getting run over (it is a skill, my friend). I study a little bit but think about it. What will prepare our youth for needed jobs? Real life experience. And some of that real life experience is doing the pushups on highways thing. Needless to say, I have experience in dangerous situations and so feel free to give me dangerous tasks. I was once on a plane where the pilot had a heart attack and there was not a second pilot. For some reason I was chosen to take over. Without any flying experience, I successfully landed that plane. How many people can honestly brag that? I once completed an Ironman triathlon while asleep. Don’t ask me how I did it. I just did it. Do you want me to name more outrageous experiences of mine? I can, but it would extend for pages and pages and the career center always tells us that our cover letters can only be a page. I am only 21 but I have probably more experience in life than everyone in your office combined. I can probably do anything you ask me to do without any previous experience, but I will still do it well.

I am qualified and I know it. So you better hire me. Don’t even bother with the interview. Just go ahead and put me in the “Hired” folder.


Justine Seligson

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