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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

If Carleton College were a scented candle

Nothing sets the mood like a scented candle emitting its rich and sensual smell, casting everything in a soft light. While students are not allowed to have “open flames” in dorms, they can still lift a candle close to your nose and sniff really hard.

It is scientifically proven that scents carry strong memories, recalling nostalgic moments like cooking with grandma or those Lip Smackers you traded in the black market of middle school for silly bandz. This begs the question: If we were to capture the odor of Carleton College in a candle, what would it smell like?

The college, if they took the scented candle idea, could sell the product in the bookstore and at reunions. The alumni would go crazy for the candles as they try to relive their glory days. They’ll purchase them faster than the under-paid college bookstore workers could stock them. The chem department is working diligently to perfect the candle’s formula and hopes to discover the perfect cacophony of smells by spring term.

In order of the fragrances’ strongest “notes,” I present the Carleton College Scented Candle:

  • Malt-o-Meal: cinnamon or strawberry flavors
  • Coffee
  • Day-old Hamm’s
  • Turkey farm
  • First Burton
  • Watson
  • The arb (pine, wet leaves)
  • Goose poop
  • Lyman Lakes
  • Old, dusty books
  • Grass
  • “Grass”
  • Stress sweat and B.O.
  • SWA dog
  • Broth
  • Stevie P’s perfume of choice
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