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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

How to Host ALL the Prospies

<an style="vertical-align: baseline">You’ve calculated that you’ll be buying $1,000 worth of textbooks from the Carleton bookstore next year.  You’ll receive $5 for each prospie you host during Admitted Student Days. There are about 200 prospies coming to campus for Admitted Student Days.  The solution is clear. All you have to do is host all the prospies. ALL of them.

Impossible, some might say.  But those people are just the ones who aren’t innovative enough, aren’t open to taking risks, aren’t willing to show wanton disregard for their prospies’ physical comfort and psychological wellbeing.You’re not one of those people.  You need a plan.  Your room is only so big.  Where in the world are you going to keep 200 prospies?  Here are a few ideas to get you started:Keep them in the CMC:  It’s open 24 hours, right?  Just drop them off and set them loose in the Math Skills Center.  

People tend to get really in the zone when they’re doing math homework, so they probably won’t even notice.  And as a bonus, your prospies will get to have a firsthand CMC All-Nighter Experience. What better way to discover what Carleton is really all about?Set up camp in the Weitz Theater:  It seats 250 people, so you should be good to go.  And those big comfy chairs are probably more comfortable than your dorm room floor anyway.  If the prospies get bored, you can just put on a movie for them.

Pretend your roommate is sexiling you:  Tell your prospies that you won’t be allowed in your room for the night, so they’ll have to fend for themselves.  Wander aimlessly around campus with them for a while until you can inconspicuously ditch them and circle back to your room (unless, of course, your roommate actually is sexiling you).Rent all of CANOE’s camping gear and send the prospies off into the Arb:  Tell them Arb camping is a popular weeknight pastime among Carls. If there aren’t enough tents, have them construct their own huts.  Give yourself a pat on the back – you have singlehandedly ensured that your prospies’ time at Carleton will stand out among all of their college visits, all while funding your own textbook needs.  

Your plan is practically foolproof. Now your only remaining step is to email the Admissions Office telling them you’ll host all the prospies. ALL of them.

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