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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

A breakdown of getdown songs

<u’re into music and you’re down with kissing and maybe a little more, you’ve probably considered making a “hookup playlist”—you know, a preset queue of songs to get you and your partner in the mood, to set a rhythm or provide some nice background noise. The problem, as many of my friends (myself included) have come to realize, is that not one single playlist is right for every intimate occasion. Suppose you’re out on a Friday night and you meet someone new who you decide to take home. You get back to your dorm, throw on The Playlist and halfway through asking how your partner feels about shirts, Love on the Brain by Rihanna comes on. Is it over? No, probably not, but it’s so not the right vibe and now it’s really awkward. In order to help my fellow Carls avoid a situation like this, I’ve provided a breakdown of some classic get down tunes, analyzed with special attention paid to the degree of intimacy each song elicits.

Daniel Caesar’s “Get you”

On a scale from “this is a one night stand with a guy I hope to never see again but certainly will because the Carleton Curse is real and painfully enduring” to “I’ve been dating my girlfriend for three years now and it’s not like we’ve discussed baby names but I do have a few wedding venues bookmarked,” “Get you” is about an 8. Caesar refers to his partner as “my baby” and references the frequent eye contact they make. Is it just me or is eye contact avoided during a one night stand? Caesar writes, “And when we’re making love/Your cries they can be heard from far and wide/It’s only the two of us…” Need I continue? But for now, all that’s alluded to is their bomb sex life—seems okay for a couple at nearly any point in their relationship. Well here comes the kicker: Caesar tells his partner “Everything I need’s between those thighs.” Okay but is it? Food and water and the entire third season of Game of Thrones? Yeah, it checks out. I’d recommend this song for the couples out there who are monogamous and have been for at least six months.

Kendrick Lamar’s “Poetic Justice”

This gentle melody ranks about a 5.5—good for couples who’ve hooked up a number of times and are clearly into each other but are still modern-day college students and therefore oversaturated with cultural messages warning against the formation of any legitimate intimate relationship of any kind and so they never admit the true attachment they’ve formed with each other. Anyhow, Lamar recognizes his girl’s fragrance and he knows what she wants (in bed) but he doesn’t say he loves her or calls her by a pet name, so this song is safe for casual romancing.

The Weeknd’s “Coming Down”

Ah—the one night stand. So impersonal. So unsatisfying. So fleeting. So right. For one night stands, the song has gotta be casual. You’d want something snazzy but nothing that alludes to a relationship (or love, god forbid). My professional recommendation would be The Weeknd’s “Coming Down.” Here’s why: Mr. Weeknd demonstrates clear interest in his girl; he asks her to answer her phone because he’s alone and wants to see her. But he’s only lonely because the party’s over and everyone’s left and he’s feeling…unfulfilled. He literally tells her “I only want you when I’m coming down.” So there’s no confusion here—it’s strictly business (or is it pleasure?) “Coming Down” is easy, uncomplicated and good for casual.

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