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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

Not-So-Fine Fines

<e are some “not actually all that surprising” things you could get fined for on Carleton’s campus (but I’m an amusing person so read it anyway):

We’re just going to get the worst one out of the way first: sleeping overnight in common areas. First off, the main reason people would be falling asleep in a lounge is if they passed out doing homework (or at least in my case- there are probably other reasons I’m completely naive to). Is that something we should really be punishing? If I found a student asleep on a couch I’d put a jacket over them, not fine them 200 something dollars.

This one is disappointing: a fine up to $250 for climbing on any college buildings or structures. The college is quick to note that the rule is there for our safety. I’m sure the fine is supposed to act as a deterrent, but when did that ever stop stupid college kids? One more bad thing: tall trees are considered a structure. The Water Tower is also a no-go. You have been warned.

There is an up to $200 fine for being on the roofs or decks of campus buildings. Besides, all the people in sitcoms hang out on roofs and get in and out of their rooms through windows, and they only fall when it is important to the plot. As you may vaguely remember from New Student Week (or not, I was half asleep during that seminar), failing to leave the dorms during a fire alarm will result in a minimum fine of $200 for the first offense. And no, I have no idea what happens after the second time. They chose to leave it ominously open ended… When the alarm goes off in the middle of the winter and you’re in the shower, it’s your call. I wouldn’t blame you for staying in.

Fun fact, apparently living spaces operate under communal fiscal punishment with a possible minimum fine of $5 per resident if anything in the lounge is damaged. And you thought you left communal punishment behind in K-12—now it’s just fiscal instead of things like no recess for the whole class. So as I’m sure you were told when you first moved in, your room key costs a whopping $40 to replace if you lose it. Now, always a problem solver, I did some googling. Apparently you can get a key copied for around $1.50. So theoretically- not that I would ever recommend you do anything to get around any systems a higher institution has in place- you could borrow your roomie’s key and go have it copied for significantly cheaper than what you would pay Carleton. Or just pay the $40 and be a good person. It’s your call, man.

Sadly, Frodo is not welcome in your dorm even for visits. You could receive a $100 fine for having a pet in your room. Plus, and this is the worst part, the poor baby would be sent to the local animal shelter. You can have a fish in your dorm, but anyone who tells you it’s even close to the same is a filthy rotten liar.

My final note is not a fine. I spent a lot of time reading through a handbook written by someone without the least bit of interest in artistic flair, and I thought I would share this one tidbit in case anyone was interested. So while there is no general hunting allowed in the Arb for pretty obvious reasons, there is archery hunting permitted by permit. So if you’re into that and were sad to not get to hunt in college, contact the Arb staff. I’m going to go watch Bambi and cry while I say sorry over and over for betraying his kind now.

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