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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

What spring term illness are you bound to get?

<ir="ltr">1) What’s your favorite color?

(a) Buffalo chicken

(b) #069420 (it’s green) ** I promise it’s a real color but if this is not socially acceptable then put something like “the color of my luver’s eyes” ***

(c) Baby blue

(d) Blood orange

2) How do your friends describe you?

(a) Petty

(b) Hardcore

(c) Diaphanous

(d) Nimble

3) How many abs do you have?

(a) 1

(b) 2

(c) 3

(d) 4

4) Who’s your favorite bearded man?

(a) Ron Swanson

(b) Ben Clark ‘18

(c) Theodore Roosevelt

(d) Nicolas Cage

5) Which Sayles food do you personally identify with?

(a) Flaky but delicious like a croissant

(b) Hot and bitter like the French roast coffee

(c) Falling apart like a burrito

(d) Brown and salty like a pretzel

6) What’s a spot you’d like to be at?

(a) Hogan Brothers

(b) My bed

(c) The tunnels

(d) Water tower

7) What’s your favorite search engine?

(a) Google

(b) Yahoo

(c) Bing

(d) Tinder

If you got mostly:

A’s: Norovirus

Wow! How unfortunate! There’s a silver lining though: They say “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – you’ll magically gain so many muscles after the illness, just in time for summer. Also please quarantine yourself from everyone else.

B’s: Sleep deprivation

Congrats, you’ll be just like 90% of the campus. You’re most likely to be found napping in random places, and falling asleep halfway through conversations. But you know what? If Leslie Knope doesn’t need sleep, why would you?

C’s: The feels

This is clearly a sign that you’re weak. Why are you this way?

D’s Nondescript illness

You know that vague “cold” or “headache” you have that makes you skip class? Symptoms include: a long-term lack of motivation and permanent existentialism.

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