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The Carletonian

The Carletonian

The Carletonian

Kondabolu Roast Carletonian like Tofu

<rst typo fears were realized this past Saturday when renowned comedian Hari Kondabolu unfurled a copy of the Carletonian onstage during a stand-up show at Carleton’s concert hall. He proceeded to read the headlines: “Meatless myths debunked. With the focus on vegan and veggie options, do males with meat get shafted?”

Kondabolu then delivered a dramatic reading of the entire article. His running commentary conveyed his outrage that the article did not cover the promised “males with meat” but focused instead on the LDC’s vegan meals. Skewering what he felt to be the repetitive passages of the piece, he shouted something like, “This is the education that your parents are paying for?”

It was harsh of him to roast the ‘Tonian to such a well-done crisp. However, we as a student body must acknowledge that we’re all complicit in what will surely go down in Carleton history as the 2014 Meat Shaft Debacle. There are scads of good writers on this campus, and only a few of them submit regularly to the Carletonian. It’s impossible to be the New York Times when you’re so understaffed.

Up until now, I have contributed very little to the Carletonian. However, as I sat in the concert hall listening to peals of laughter clanging off of the walls, I felt something stirring in my gut. Perhaps it was the partially-digested and decidedly non-vegan pork chop I ate for dinner. However, I interpreted it as the sudden desire to write for the Carletonian, and I hope that I wasn’t alone.

The Carletonian is almost excellent, and it’s that almost that’s so damning. As a violinist I know remarked, “Having almost excellent intonation is like having almost the right phone number.” So, too, with publications. (And spelling, for that matter).

Once we’ve stopped giggling, let’s get writing and have this be the last time a famous person makes a vegan shish kebab out of the Carletonian. For the love of Schiller, no more “males with meat.” Save that for Man Dance.

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